Charlie

About 7 years ago, a little dog entered my life. I found him on craiglist and had to have him.. see the lady that was selling him and bought him one day before she placed the ad.  I felt bad. How could someone get a dog and not even give him a day before you decide he wasn't for you.

So, I brought him home and named him Charlie.



This picture above his how Charlie looked like with long hair. I just loved this look.  He was a really sweet dog.. Very lovable. He loved to curl up in your neck and give kisses..

Our bond got stronger after one nearly fatal Saturday when a pit bull came out from under his fence and attacked him.. some neigbors helped seperate the dogs and after two surgeries and a month of running back and forth to the vet he recovered from this brutal attack.

This is what Charlie looked liked when he was groomed.



Charlie wasn't the perfect dog.. no matter what I did he would pee on the floor so for the last year or so I had to begin crating Charlie. This wasn't fun but either was stepping in pee as you walked thru the house during the night.  Charlie adjusted ok.. he never liked the crate and never slept in.. 645 am meant time to wake me up by barking to go outside.

Charlie loved cats.. Bella was cool with Charlie grooming her for the most part..



Bella above lost her battle with an virus that caused her to lose weight. She went from a 17 pound cat to about a 8 pound cat and wasn't well.  We learned Charlie was ill the same week I was coming to term with Bella being too ill to go on..

The vet thought Charlie was going to die back in the early fall.. I thought I was going to lose two of my pals in one week.. I had to choose which animal to deal with first.. so I chose Bella.. She been sicker longer and I hadn't had time to really deal with the idea of losing Charlie.

Oh by the way, we have a cat that wasn't found of Charlie's love of cats.

But Charlie and my black lab got along really well.



They were the perfect pair.. was a few times that Ann got jealous and let him know who was boss but for the most part they did good together..

So like I mentioned the vet said Charlie was ill.. He most likely had a growth but without an xray we couldn't be certain.. an xray wouldn't change anything so I didn't get one.. the vet gave him an vitamin injection and it got rid of the fluid.. he continued to get the injection and then got pill forms of it.. he stumped the vet.. he was shocked he was still alive after the first injection..

Charlie took his medication really well. I would hide it in peanut butter.. he knew what time it was and would remind me it was time for it..

The good outcome of this medication was short lived.. on new years day, he slowed down and was laying around but I didn't pay it much attention. it's cold out.. we all our slower.. when he didn't eat and refused his medication I was worried..  I went from worried to scared for his life in a matter of a couple hours..

Poor Charlie was having a rough time.. He was up and down.. plopping down doing the dead dog look.. I was out of my mind scared.. called the emergency vet.. damn places cost way too much. I couldn't bring him unless I thought he was in serious pain.  I was by myself cause my boyfriend was working..

He called my sister to come sit with me.. We stayed at Charlie's side trying to be there for him.. I got him to lay on the couch with me for a little while..

I didn't sleep all night.. As soon as the vet opened we were there waiting.. Charlie didn't enjoy the car ride. He wasn't his happy self.

Charlie's vet was able to see him and seemed sad to see his happy patient struggling.. There was nothing that could be done to save him or make him feel better. I had to make the choice to put him to sleep or bring him home to die.. I would have loved one more kiss.. one more snuggle.. one more happy dance as we fed him but Charlie was struggling and not having a good time.. the vet said the up and down was him struggling to breath.

I am still in a bit of shock how Charlie went from a happy go lucky kiss giving peanut butter begging to at death's door..  but he did.. My Charlie died early Jan 2nd.I made the unselfish decision to put him to sleep. My heart is still hurting.. I still catch myself holding the door for him after Ann comes in from the outside.. i still at times think I hear him bark.. I still think about feeding the dogs.. now it's just Ann and Lucy that cat who doesn't like dogs.. oh yea Filbert the turtle.

I find myself thinking if I could just have one more kiss or one more hug or even one more playful fight that Charlie and I used to do that I would feel better.. but probably would still want one more. I believe Charlie was about 9 or 10 years of age. I sure do miss him.

I will forever be grateful for the years we had together after the attack by the pit bull and even for the few months that lead up to his death.. even though I knew Charlie was most likely ill.. those last few months were happy months for him.. with treatment he started eating again, running with jumping on the couch to snuggle and kiss.. He was enjoying life again. I will treasure those moments.. Rest in peace Charlie. Your were a good boy.. forever in my heart.  Say hello to Bella for me.







This last picture was after a month after the first injection when the vet was stumped he was still alive..  Miss you lots little guy.. Ann does too.

I am pretty content with life right now. I am happy with my relationship. It's not perfect but then who's relationship really is. We been working together trying to get my house and yard in shape. It's coming along but needs more work. Today, we hired someone to do our yard work. They really did a good job.

Tomorrow, I am going to practice shooting darts for a league that starts on Tuesday. I am pretty excited about it.  It's been about ten years since I gave it up. I will be in one league where I use regular hand darts and come June in another league where I use a blow gun. I am most excited about the blow gun league. 

I am looking forward to getting out and having a good time. We actually will be shooting a double the first night so lots of games. Hopefully, I will get the hang of the new machines. It blows my mind how one can actually shoot darts against someone far away.  I don't think that would be as fun though.

I have a couple exciting runs coming up. On July 4th, I will be meeting up with a friend to do a 8 mile trail run. I done it once before. I know my friend will leave me cause she runs faster. I am okay with that. Especially since I know what to expect this time.

On August 20th, I will run a half Marathon in Chicago with another friend. I know her from the YMCA.  She ran the last few miles with me when I did the half last summer. We will drive there the night before and get a room.. run the half Marthon and then shower and come home.  This is pretty cool. I want to see the world. I have never been to Chicago before. I am really looking forward to it. This friend won't leave me. We will stay together.

I haven't done much running lately though. I don't run in the winter. I just do my fitness classes. I am excited to get started. I think I will do that on Sunday.. Just get it done in the morning before I get too busy.   The weather hasn't been really nice yet but it's getting there.

I plan on sticking with the body pump classes but will exchange a couple other days for running. My friend and I want to beat our last years time. She thinks I came in a little faster than her. My time was 3 hours and 5 minutes.. so hopefully I can beat it.. Mostly, I am just excited to do the run and take in different view.











 

new adventures

I was asked to join a dart league besides the league I already signed up for. I don't know why I struggled so badly with the decision to do it or not. I used to shoot darts with my first husband and enjoyed it. I got out of darts shortly after our divorce.  Darts was more his thing but I do miss the competition.

I had a hard time deciding to commit to the hand darts because it would mean for a few weeks I would be playing twice weekly.  I get to thinking about the money.  If I feel like I have to struggle to have the dart money then I know darts won't be fun for me.  I am really excited about blow gun. I wasn't feeling the excitement of hand darts.. I did feel a little pressure to join but the longer the day went on the more I kept thinking about playing.

Time is a big issue for me. I work full time. I strive to workout 4 to 5 times a week. Sometimes, that is fitting in 45 minutes of a class before work. I do majority of the cooking because home cooked meals is important to me. I don't want to get lazy and not have time to cook.

Lastly but not least at all.. my concern is my youngest son. Now that I work full time and I don't always have someone home with him he spends some evenings on his own. He has been doing a pretty good job but I feel bad. I don't like him having to eat alone or eating frozen dinners. Some nights more than not.. I have leftovers that he can heat up.  So if I play darts twice a week that is twice a week I am either away from him or bringing him with me.  Then, it's not really the same as a "night out" If I have to wear my "mom" hat.   I already have a lot of guilt over not always being there or having the free time or cash to do things with him.

I feel guilty about the money. I don't know why but when I spend money these days I feel bad about it. No one has ever made me feel this way. Most of the stuff I am feeling bad about isn't stuff I really need but want. Nothing really majorly expensive. I just recently bought a hand dryer for painting my finger nails.

My biggest reason for committing to this league is because I really need to get out there and be around other people. I have my couple friends but I don't know why but mostly when woman get together we go eat. It's not totally a bad thing because people got to eat.  I just am looking forward to being around other adults competing.

A handful of these people is part of the old crowd from when I was shooting darts before. I think there is a part of me that is nervous stepping back into the game. I imagine some nights I will have to go by myself and fear not fitting in. I have never been one to have many friends. I don't want to sit there feeling like I am not part of the crowd. 

new/old hobby

I am pretty excited!! Soon I will be getting into darts again! It's been a very long time. I am going to participate in a blow and throw league. I will be doing the blowing.

A very long time ago, I went to state and took 3rd place one night and the second night my partner and I took first place.  I don't know if I will ever compete on that kind of level though again. 

I am not much into doing a lot of traveling and events like that on my own.  I like to have people with me who will take care of me.. I get lost easily. I could even get lost in a hotel.

I am just going to take it one day at a time.. Right now it's just a league.  I don't even know who my partner is.. they set it up for me.

I was supposed to get my blow gun tonight.. My guy drove me and everything and it wasn't in yet.. Pretty bummed out.. Nothing has really gone right this weekend. I was suppose to see my grand baby but no baby... suppose to get my gun.. but no gun..

I did get lots of cuddles from my guy! He is pretty awesome.

I almost forgot about this blog. I haven't wrote on here in a very long time.  I haven't done much writing at all these days. I am trying to get back into it. 
I am about to take a road trip to one of my retreats on my own. It's pretty exciting and scaring at the same time.  Will post more about that later maybe.

so much change

There has been so much change since I wrote my last blog post on here. I have sort of got out of writing and I miss it.. At times I don't know what to write about or other times it just comes out all wrong.

I am at about 100 lbs down right now.  I am still working out but as focused on any specific plan. I am just following what my heart desires.. It's been mostly combat and walking. I don't want to give up on my Piyo and hope to brave the pool with my new two piece suit.

My marriage has taken a huge nose dive. It's just has run it's course. It's all a bit sad but it is what it is and now we just have to wait out the winter.. We need to get along for the sake of Tyler but at times it's just too much.

I have become a grandmother for the second time. My son is a Father now. It's not the best situation though because they are broke up and are not agreeing with each other.

There has been some work changes but I am really not allowed to talk much about that. It's quite depressing though.

My husband plans on going on a long bike ride and has a go fund me page set up.. check it out HERE 

79.9 lbs down!!

I am at 20lbs away from being at a healthy weight!! It's been almost 2 years since I set out to lose 50lbs and now I am 76lbs lost.  I am ready for this part of of getting healthy to be over. But not quite ready to quit losing weight. I spend a lot of time at my favorite place the YMCA!!

I obess over the calories or some might call counting calories obsessing.  Oh well
.
I am so proud of me! I have worked so hard and it shows. Weight loss isn't as hard as some make it out to be but it's not as easy as it looks.  I love most of the comments I get.

I think the funniest one is did you mean to lose it? No. I keep looking around for the 76lbs but I just can't seem to find it. Or how about the one that I am too skinny. Or do you eat??  Nope. I don't eat.

The worst was when someone wanted to talk to me for 10 mins about my weight loss as I held a cookie in my hand. I didn't want to eat the cookie and talk and all I could think of was could you leave me alone so I can eat my cookie. haha

I been doing weight training which is taking my out of my comfort zone. Somedays, I feel confident like I belong. Other days, I want to hide away in the corner away from all the buff men. I know I shouldn't feel bad and hell they look good but do they have to look so confident while they look good.

Food for thought...

I feel like people have a wrong impression of what it means to be on a diet. I get many comments about what people think I am eating or not eating. Some people tend to think being on a diet and watching what you eat looks like this.

That isn't a diet any of us can stay on for long.

Here is a better example of a diet one could stay on for a while. This is my dinner from the other night that I took with me to work.

It is veggie chili that orginally has 246 calories. I added a serving of peas, half serving of cheese and serving of crackers.  I did 200 grams of canalope. My total calorie count for dinner was 484 calories and it was very filling.

I have been doing this new workout program at the Y. My weight loss has slowed down a bit. I am working on toning and doing slightly less cardio. Here is a recent picture of me taken after my 9th workout on my new program. I am not sure if the chance is enough to be noticed in pics but I was able to do 15 girl push ups and the another 15. That is something that at the begining I couldn't do.

Just for the record. I am too shy to do the full body shots that would show the flab on my arms.

Shadow

It seems like it's been forever since Shadow was hit by a car and died. However, in some ways it seems like it was just like yesterday. Shadow was the dog that replaced the two dogs that we had to give away when I had to move from a crappy lead invested house to a crappy small 2 bedroom apartment.

Blue was too big and at the last minute I found a home for her and Buddy was a small dog but we didn't have the money for a pet deposit.

William begged for Shadow and honestly I had lost track at how old he was getting to be.  He was a sweet old dog but guilty for thinking he wasn't my favorite. My favorite of course is Ann!! She was my reward for buying a house. Screw you apartments I can get a big dog now!

We have adjusted well to only having two dogs. I think they are getting more walks now. Walking 2 dogs is a challenge. Walking 3 is next to impossible. I am happy with the two dogs and one cat. I still have 2 bunnies and fish. Someday, after my bunnies cross the rainbow bridge I may say goodbye to bunny days.

I feel bad for the way Shadow's life ended. Our dogs are pretty smart and well behaved and I think we got cocky and thought it could never happen to us. Dogs getting ran over only happens to people who don't know how to control their dogs.

I lost track of how long ago Ann and shadow fought and Shadow lost his eye. I am thinking 4 years ago. I think we just past 5 years of living here. Let me count, 2007, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 2013  So that's six years of having my own home.  It's one of the proudest things I have done for my children. My only regret is that I didn't buy a house sooner and give William a more stable home life.

Tyler will never know more than one house if I can help it. The majority of his memories will happen here. The sad part is that life is pure hell. I don't know if he is having a happy childhood or not. I know raising kids and being a kid isn't all sunshine and rainbows but why are things so diffucult around here?

Besides on early death.. my biggest fear is Tyler is going to be an unemployed, uneducated 500 lb man who eats all day long.  I wonder am I giving my kid an eating disorder? Is it too late? He has my bad habits? Of not knowing when to stop and eating more than needed?

I suppose this ended up being more than about Shadow. We have an IEP tomorrow and I am sure they will try to do their teacher talk and we always do it this way and blah blah.. go hush your mouths up and teach.  Quit with all the damn testing and go back to the basics.  But don't listen to me. Just go ahead of fuck up this generation so we have a bunch of grown ups that can't read and can't do math. Oh don't forget.. they baby this generation. I walked bare foot in the snow both ways!! haha  ok. Rant over.

I haven't been feeling too well and I suppose it's pms trying to kick my ass before it gets here. Maybe even a little depressed. What we are doing at home isn't working. 

Tyler started 8th grade and I didn't even bother to take a picture of him on his first day of school. I know that's kind of bad. Maybe, this school stuff is getting old. Just one more year closer to high school and one more year closer to him being of legal age.

Maybe, I didn't take the picture since it's unifomrs. It's not going to look any different from last year. I suppose I could still snap a picture and pretend it's the first day. 

Rockford Park District!! Thank you!!

One of my favorite summer traditions to go to Magic Waters and spend the day. Tyler and I went today and we had a blast. I have had to get brave to get some thrills with him. I don't believe I went to Magic Waters as a kid. I might have been once but don't recall doing much.

A few years back, I learned about the fun packets that The Rockford Park District sells to those that qualify. We get a summer full of events worth over 200 for 25 bucks!! It's something I wish I would have known when William was younger because he hasn't really gotten the same outings as Tyler has gotten.

He has gotten some but it was past the point where it's fun to hang out with Mom.

A few times today, Tyler left me alone and was interacting with other children. He got a little bord and tired with Magic Waters after about 7 hours of fun. I hope I can get a few more years with him while he still thinks it's fun to hang with Mom.

We have kind of got a late start with summer due to the weather and me taking on extra shifts at work. I always struggle with finding that perfect balance to work and spend quality time with Tyler.

I miss the days when my kids were young and one had all year for fun. He works so hard during the school year that there isn't a lot of fun that goes on during the school year.

In a perfect world, I would have my weekends free during the school year with him and in a perfect world I wouldn't have to send Tyler to his other parent every other weekend due to divorce.

It's a good thing that I have accepted that I wasn't born into a perfect world nor do I lead a perfect life or I might be pretty ticked off.

I am so thankful to The Rockford Park District for offering discounts for camps and the fun packets for children to have an enjoyable summer.

Not everyone has the funds to go on vacations away from home or pools in their backyards or the funds sitting around for expensive summer camp.

I am so lucky that we have a park system that has been set up to help the children that are not being raised with higher wage earning parents to have a summer filled with fun. These packets are not a giveaway to the paretns. The parents pay for them and also pay for themselves in most of the situations. Not complaining one bit. I love experiencing all the fun things. I get to watch my son has fun and I get to be a kid a again.

Tyler will have 3 weeks of sleepaway camp. It's not free. We had to pay and even then had to sacerfice and count our pennies to cover the 3 weeks.. I am not complaining though. The summer memories that he will carry with him for a lifetime is worth the sacerfice that as his parents that we make.

Tyler will have many events of swimming, two trips to Magic waters, golf, trolley ride, forest city queeen ride and ice skating if I can convince him. This isn't everything but it's a good bit.. Can't remember them all right off hand.

There is the tradition of the trail ride!! I love watching him ride the horses as much as he loves riding them. I hope to be able to afford to ride my own horse this year!! I have never been on a horse. I figure if I can brave Splash Blaster and live to talk about it.. Then, I can brave a horse ride. I think horses are such beautiful animals. Maybe, I can take one home?? :)

I don't know how the word gets around about this wonderful program. I didn't know about it until Tyler was finsihing up 5th grade I believe. The Park District has helped us make traditions and memories that we most likely wouldn't be making had we not learned more about what they have to offer to children like my son.

Thank again to the Rockford Park District!! Keep doing what your doing. It doesn't go unnoticed and I am sure I am not the only parent who appreciates our summer filled with exciting events that are affordable to my family. 

My birthday!!

 My first size 10 jeans that I manage to get to fit. 

 An old picture to remind me how far I have came wth losing weight. 

Hey all.. anyone still read this?? I don't write too often.

Tad and I have been picking fights with Tyler's school and not sure we came out on the winning side. They really tick me off!! Anyone want to donate money for a private school?  Only five more years in public school!! Yikes!! Am I really that old?

I been slacking off on working out some.. I really need to start running due to that I signed up for the color run on June 1st.

I got a new scale and according to it. I am at a total of 65 lbs down. I will try to post pictures later.

I got to see my little sister graduate from Rock Valley!! Pretty cool!!

Work is going pretty good. I may need to add more hours due to use just not having enough money. I am worried about this summer. If Tyler's Dad doesn't get a job we are going to lose about 200 a month in child support.

Well, it's late. Good night. 

meee

I haven't written in a while. I stay pretty busy between work and working out. My weight loss total right now is 54.5 lbs lost since feb of last year. It's pretty amazing. Counting calories gets old though. You never know how fast the calories add up. Luckily, I work my butt off at the Y which gives me some wriggle room with eating.
I am slowing down on zumba to do this running program called couch to 5k. By this time next week, I should be running for 20 minutes at once. If I am still alive I will come back to brag about it. If I fall of the treadmill, I will most likely laugh at myself.

I am very ready for spring to get here. It will be nice to take my dogs out for more walks and the same with my client.

Every month, I try on these capri's that I bought when I went shopping with Ashley! I don't normally buy clothes that don't fit. I know that might motivate some people but it doesn't me. Well, when I am with my daughter, I just let all guards down and enjoy the moment. The capri's were extremely cheap on sale at Old Navy so it's okay that they didn't fit.

Two months ago, I finally got them on. This month, they feel better. I suspect by the time it's warm enough I will have enough wriggle room so I don't split a whole in the ass of them.

I have a couple pairs of shorts that I bought when I was with Ashley too. It's possible they won't fit me.  This weight loss comes at a pricey cost. I love the new bright clothes and none of my clothes look blah anymore.

Well, it's about time to get ready for work.

catch up

I haven't really written much on here lately. I stay pretty busy. I work full time but lately I have had quite a few Tuedays off to give me a 3 day weekend. It gives me a little insight into Tad's day staying home with kids.
I have felt like I have grown closer to Amiah in the last couple months. Not that I didn't love her but Papa spends so much time with her that he is her go to person for everything. She has grown into such a cute doll and so smart.
She has almost potty trained herself. It just took all of us to put her in panties during the day and she has just taken off. I am so proud of her.
I have my little routines with Amiah even though Papa is her go to person. She always pokes me to wake me up in the morning. When I get dressed for work or the day.. she follows me in the bedroom and jumps on the bed.
When I am brushing my hair and teeth she comes in the bathroom and gets pretty too. She wants me to spray her hair like Nana does and likes to put a little make up on if Nana does. She even brushes her teeth when I do mine.

Today we took her to the school for Tyler's IEP meeting and she behaved so well. I am so proud of her. She did get upset cause she wanted a bus ride home. I felt so bad for her. I think Nana needs to take her on a bus ride but I bet she wouldn't be happy since it's not a school bus.

I spend quite a bit of time working out at the YMCA!! I been doing a little walking. There is this track near my house that is a pretty good workout. I have an heart moniter so I know what the calorie burn is. I use my wii fitness board too. My goal is workout pretty much daily. I seem to average about 5 to 6 times a week.

I hope to hit 50 lbs down in about three weeks. Then I will have gotten to my goal in one year.

William turned 18 in November. It's an hard concept to really see him as an adult and no longer a child that I have to provide for. He hasn't gotten a job so it's hard to really see him as a adult ect.

Tyler is doing pretty well. He works hard in school and stays pretty busy.

Happy new year!!

I love Saturdays!! It's when I get to weigh myself and see how I am doing with my weight loss. I am down another pound so that is 42.5 lbs total!! I am pretty impressed with myself. Sometimes though when I see how little I look in the mirror it doesn't feel real. I know I am not tiny but compared to last year I feel so small. I am getting close to my goal.

We picked up a really big Christmas tree!! I can't wait to decorate it tomorrow. I need to really get working on Christmas shopping. My cat wants a new bed. Ann wants a bone!! Charlie wants a stuffed animal and all Shadow wants is a new eye!! LOL I crack myself up.

I should get to sleep soon. Babysitting at the church. I wish they had little children again. I sort of feel out of place. I was going upstairrs with the big kids but don't feel right there. At times, I will sit in church at the suggestion of one of the volunteers (church members) but it feels strange to get paid to be in church.

I am 13 lbs away from my goal of losing 50 lbs. I lost 1.5 lbs this week and was glad to see that cause I slowed down a little bit on zumba and started walking my Dog Ann thru this trail.

I was letting her run free but she chased some animal up a tree and I think it got her face. She has a little mark. I love my dog too much to let a racoon kick her butt.

I am going to try aqua zumba this week and soak in the hot tub at The Rock. I am excited about that.

It's my weekend but I babysit on Sunday for the church and on Monday I volunteer for this emergency day care. I like it but not sure how long I will continue to do it weekly. It's one of those things that I enjoy doing but it does take time away from my busy life.

Well, I better get to bed.  Hope everyone is doing well.

I can't believe I haven't written here in a while. I used to love it and lately I just don't get around to doing it.

Life is hectic around here. My biggest wish would be to get thru the day without a major meltdown from Tyler. Only way to get that is to not be home.

I started volunteering for this nursery that provides emergency care for children birth to six years old. I have learned that it's not all a 911 emergency. It may just be a meeting, class or work.

I even heard that they suggest Mom's bring kids for Mom can get some Me time!! How cool is that??

I got to lay down and cuddle with one little girl and it was so sweet. I like doing it and hope I continue to like it as I do it more.  The one thing that I like is that I just sign up for when I want to come. I can decide the hours and if I feel like I need a week off I just don't sign up.

Work is pretty good. Both my clients seem to do being doing well for thier age. Next month, I will be at my job for six years. I just wish someone would tell me why I only make about 9 an hour??

One of my clients is in a retirement home and I have been seeing that side of taking care of the elderly. Yesterday, I got to let a bird sit on my arm. Hopefully, they will give me a print of it. 

Well, got to make my lunch and dinner for work.