I am learning that forgiving those that have done you wrong is more about my peace than the person who has done me wrong. It's easy to say I forgive someone,but much more difficult to really mean it.

Goodbye Martin

I haven't known you forever, but I still loved having you around. You helped me stay warm at night. You will never be forgotten and will always be missed by me and others that loved you. Rest in peace Martin boy.

I was getting ready for work this morning and my company was calling me. She informed me that our services are being canceled. I had to say goodbye to Bob and Sandy. It's all because of money. I feel so bad for them both. They are not going to get the love and attention like they are used to. I don't think they will be harmed, but they will be just a number. Today, the cna even admitted that they can't give the same kind of attention. There was three cna for 16 people and three of those people need two cna's at a time.
My work had the nerve to ask me to work tomorrow. Where is the hey Thank you for spending two years with the same people. why dont ya take a day off. I told them that I didn't want to work that I was trying to hold it all in.

This is going to be my 500th post on this blog. I am writing to inform people that Martin days are pretty much up. He would be 18 years old next month. I don't think he is going to make it. He is looking really bad. He is really my husband's cat, but I just love him the same. Anybody or thing that he loves I love.

Martin is looking pretty sick, but he is almost 18 years old and not spending hundreds to find out that he is old. I swear last night that he was lying in the bathroom dead. I was afraid to touch him to find out. I was afraid to tell my husband in the middle of the night that his cat was dead. So I told him in the morning that I thought Martin was dead, but he wasn't on the floor anymore. One might ask if the cat was dead why not do something? Well, I can't raise the dead and why upset my husband any sooner than he has to be. I really don't know if all these crazy thoughts about thinking he was dead was for real or a dream, but isn't my house pretty strange if I thought the cat was dead, but ignored it. I think I hear about death so much that it doesn't faze me much.

I am kind of sad, because Sandy has been moved from the hospital to the nursing home in the rehab section. She might as well be in a walk in closet. I think she deserves better treatment. I worked my last long shift. Now I will be on 8 hour days and only 4 days this week. It doesn't pay to take care of the elderly.

Somewhere out there

Somewhere Out There

written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

This song is special to me.

I found a new talent. I can draw like a kid again. Here is a couple pages from Ashley's book. I am sure she won't mind sharing them with you all.

I feel so bored!!! Tyler is going to spend a few extra days with his Dad. I finally am getting some rest from my job. I was suppose to be working right now, but the man who I was going to take care of has died during the night. I am not sure I really want to be working with hospice patients anyways. Well lets look for some pictures to show off.

I am still adjusting to my new hours at my job. I am working less, but still really long days. I am still not sure if I will lose my clients to the nursing home or not. I really don't think it will be the best move for them, but then again I am biased. I say this, because they are used to having one person to take care of the two of them. If they move, they will have to share a caregiver with many other old people. I can see Sandy* becoming really mean FAST! All I can say is do what you think is best.
I have to start considering working for other clients. So, on Friday, I am taking on a new client. That's if he lives that long. He is on hospice. I have a fear of people dieing on my watch. So hospic isn't something that I really want to do. However, it's something I can do for others.
I am starting to get used to not having the internet at home. I still don't quite like it though. I did get some housework done so maybe it's a good thing.

Sometimes, I feel as if I am doomed. Like bad stuff just keeps happening to me. My clients are driving me crazy. It's not all bad. Mostly, it's the heavy emotional stuff that I don't want to think about. I hear things from this married couple that most don't get to hear. I don't try to eavesdrop, but I have normal hearing.
The other night, the retirement home bus hit my van. Bob thought it was funny, because he crashed into the same lady's car a few years ago. Even though, I feel like bad stuff follows me around, my mood is improving. I am laughing again.
Tyler and I was able to visit with Pam. She is just awesome. I really love her. She is the person I call if I am sad. She can always lift me up. She gave Tyler a math lesson and some ideas to help him at home. Tyler had a good time too, because he was able to swim in her pool. I need to post some pictures of my broke tree and van and everyone can laugh at it too.