babies oh my

On Monday, I volunteer for Meld. It's my way of keeping Mommies with their babies. My way of putting my money where my mouth is. It makes me feel happy to help out. I love the little babies and the toddlers.
This week, I had two newborn boys. They were about the same age and both kind of happy, but then fuss here and there. They didn't want to sleep. It was okay with me because what fun would sleeping babies be?
So, I sat by their car seats so I could juggle both babies. I don't mean juggle as in throw in the air. I just needed to be able to set one down safely and take turns playing and taking care of them. One baby, pooped himself twice and the other baby I changed so his Mommy would have a dry baby when she came back. I knew I mixed up the babies blankets but I didn't know that I put the wrong pants on the babies. I thought it was funny and luckily the Mom's didn't think much of it. I helped redress them. I got to give Tad and his first wife tons of credit for taking care of twins!!! It must not been easy but then what did they know? They came that way. haha.
Well, anyways, it was fun to play with the little babies.

I didn't have to work today. They called and canceled my shift. I didn't ask why but I am guessing that the man died. I know it's selfish of me but I didn't want to go. I don't think I have enough experience with the final stages of care, because most of my work has just been cooking, cleaning, and hanging out. Also, I just have a fear of someone passing away while I am there. It creates a lot of anxiety in me and also I think how sad it would be for a person to die while a caregiver (stranger) holds their hand. I am just too much of an emotional person to just carry on with my day and go back to work the next day. It's not like my company would pay me to stay home because it's all about the bottom line. I don't personally blame them. Isn't that what most companies do? Money first, then people. If you just look at how long people go to jail for hurting people compared to robbing a bank. It's true.

I am always off on Tuesday and Wedesday but on Tuesday, I have availabilty to work if they call me. I can choose to block my availability but I figure with William's birthday and Christmas around the corner, I better leave it open and see what happens.

Well, work called only after I was home from working 3rd shift all night. So, glad that I didn't hear it. I have to work 4 to 9 with this man who is living out his last days. I just hate working with hospice patients. Don't die while I am working. That is my number one rule. Also, it just makes me sad.

Happy Candy Day!

I took this random picture because my camera was acting funny and I was just shooting and I got this awesome picture.

I can't believe it's the end of October. Where did the time go? I have some news but not gonna share it yet. It's big! Well, I might share it if you think you know me well enough to ask me. hehehe.

Yesterday, Tad and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been three years already. I can't help but me amazed at Tad's and mine struggles in this marriage. It was rough going for a while. I didn't fully understand the depth of his drinking problem and he didn't fully understand the depth of my loss over my daughter being placed for adoption. I just didn't move on. I was sad. I was sad a lot. He was drinking a lot. It wasn't a good combination.

He has been sober for a year and half and I am so proud of him. He doesn't make any promises but says he has zero desire to drink. If he knew the cure, he would probably sell it to you. I have been in contact with Ashley for a year now. It's wonderful. I have pictures of her in my house. I went through a lot of counseling to be able to cope better. The contact in the middle of that really helped a lot. It's so amazing to see how great of a girl she is. Also, a very beautiful and smart girl.

So, our anniversary means a lot to me. It's not just a number or a date. It's the time that I married my husband. I am so glad that I did and I am glad that we have found happiness with each other again. It's a bad feeling when your home life is really depressing. I have never felt so loved that I do with Tad. He has always been good with Tyler. He has been really trying to get along with Will and we all know that getting along with a teenager takes patience. He tells me that I am beautiful and is always there for me.

He accepts how I am silly and like to collect dolls and dress them. I have a total of six now. Three girls and three boys. The brady bunch. lol Saturday, we were by ourselves and out and about and we stopped so I could pay on my doll. After, I gave a twenty, he asked how much was left and paid the balance. Then, he was making fun of me of how I quickly had to lock the door of the van. The doll thieves are out there, ya know?

It was also Jen and Gary's birthday and I hope they had a great day. Today, is my brothers birthday. I should call him later. I should be sleeping but can't. Tad thinks it's all in my head. I just want to sleep so bad and I can't. So, basically, every week, I loss out on a nights worth of sleep. I don't need a lot of physical energy on Sunday night because my client is sleeping but I have to stay awake. I watched two movies and was really uncomfortable because the house was hot and stuffy. Well, anyways, I have went on and on and that's enough for now.

Rec Night

Tonight, Tyler has Rec night at his school. He is going as a prisoner. I wish I could go but I have to work. So, Tad, Jen and Amiah will be going with him. I hope Tad takes some pictures so I can at least see them. It's Tyler's last year in grade school. :( Where did the years go? I have been to quite a few school events. I try not to miss them but sometimes I just can't afford not to work. I don't have a company that even tries to help you get hours in other times in the week. Typically, I am off Mon through Wed. but none of the events seem to fall on those days. Well, gonna sleep a little more. I don't get 8 hours in a row but I take what I can get.

3rd shift

I exchanged one of my second shifts for 3rd shift about a month ago. I go from 10 pm to 7 am. I don't have too much interacting with my client so basically I am watching tv, watching a movie, reading and trying to stay awake.
Since, I am working the Sunday overnight that gives me one extra day to be home in the evening. Plus, if I wanna I can go to church on Wed. night. My only problem and I am not sure if it's from working third shift is that I haven't been feeling well. In this month, I was sick with stomach pains, and backache which I can't get to go away. I am pretty uncomfortable. I can't walk long, sit long. I can lay around but then I feel so bored.
I don't know if I am having problems because I am not getting enough sleep. Sunday, I woke up at 9 am and then around 3pm I slept for an hour and then I went to work. I had to drive Will to school and then I got home and slept from 9 am to 11 30 am. My friend Rachel called me. I could have slept till 2 pm but I probably would of woke up on my own. I am not much of a day sleeper. I can sleep a couple hours and if I get woke up or wake up, I am up. I hope this back ache goes away soon. I am really uncomfortable. I might try swimming tomorrow and sitting in the sauna at the Y.

I am about to leave for babysitting. I almost wish I never agreed to do this on Sunday Mornings. It's kind of a pain to have to wake up to go work an hour and half and lately the kids haven't been coming. So, I am not even hanging out with any kids. I can't really quit because I am depending on that money for the furniture payment.

Next week, will make one year since I first wrote Ashley on Facebook. It wasn't an easy decision because besides the fear of rejection, I knew sending the message would affect more than just me. I am so glad that I did. It's hard to believe it's been almost a year.

I have collected a total of 30 dollars for Meld. I am going to give them a check around Mid December plus I am going to give them some baby clothes that I have bought at the good will. It makes me so happy that people care enough to give to this organization. I love volunteering for Meld. It's so fun playing with the kids and knowing that I a part of something so good.