79.9 lbs down!!

I am at 20lbs away from being at a healthy weight!! It's been almost 2 years since I set out to lose 50lbs and now I am 76lbs lost.  I am ready for this part of of getting healthy to be over. But not quite ready to quit losing weight. I spend a lot of time at my favorite place the YMCA!!

I obess over the calories or some might call counting calories obsessing.  Oh well
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I am so proud of me! I have worked so hard and it shows. Weight loss isn't as hard as some make it out to be but it's not as easy as it looks.  I love most of the comments I get.

I think the funniest one is did you mean to lose it? No. I keep looking around for the 76lbs but I just can't seem to find it. Or how about the one that I am too skinny. Or do you eat??  Nope. I don't eat.

The worst was when someone wanted to talk to me for 10 mins about my weight loss as I held a cookie in my hand. I didn't want to eat the cookie and talk and all I could think of was could you leave me alone so I can eat my cookie. haha

I been doing weight training which is taking my out of my comfort zone. Somedays, I feel confident like I belong. Other days, I want to hide away in the corner away from all the buff men. I know I shouldn't feel bad and hell they look good but do they have to look so confident while they look good.

Food for thought...

I feel like people have a wrong impression of what it means to be on a diet. I get many comments about what people think I am eating or not eating. Some people tend to think being on a diet and watching what you eat looks like this.

That isn't a diet any of us can stay on for long.

Here is a better example of a diet one could stay on for a while. This is my dinner from the other night that I took with me to work.

It is veggie chili that orginally has 246 calories. I added a serving of peas, half serving of cheese and serving of crackers.  I did 200 grams of canalope. My total calorie count for dinner was 484 calories and it was very filling.

I have been doing this new workout program at the Y. My weight loss has slowed down a bit. I am working on toning and doing slightly less cardio. Here is a recent picture of me taken after my 9th workout on my new program. I am not sure if the chance is enough to be noticed in pics but I was able to do 15 girl push ups and the another 15. That is something that at the begining I couldn't do.

Just for the record. I am too shy to do the full body shots that would show the flab on my arms.

Shadow

It seems like it's been forever since Shadow was hit by a car and died. However, in some ways it seems like it was just like yesterday. Shadow was the dog that replaced the two dogs that we had to give away when I had to move from a crappy lead invested house to a crappy small 2 bedroom apartment.

Blue was too big and at the last minute I found a home for her and Buddy was a small dog but we didn't have the money for a pet deposit.

William begged for Shadow and honestly I had lost track at how old he was getting to be.  He was a sweet old dog but guilty for thinking he wasn't my favorite. My favorite of course is Ann!! She was my reward for buying a house. Screw you apartments I can get a big dog now!

We have adjusted well to only having two dogs. I think they are getting more walks now. Walking 2 dogs is a challenge. Walking 3 is next to impossible. I am happy with the two dogs and one cat. I still have 2 bunnies and fish. Someday, after my bunnies cross the rainbow bridge I may say goodbye to bunny days.

I feel bad for the way Shadow's life ended. Our dogs are pretty smart and well behaved and I think we got cocky and thought it could never happen to us. Dogs getting ran over only happens to people who don't know how to control their dogs.

I lost track of how long ago Ann and shadow fought and Shadow lost his eye. I am thinking 4 years ago. I think we just past 5 years of living here. Let me count, 2007, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 2013  So that's six years of having my own home.  It's one of the proudest things I have done for my children. My only regret is that I didn't buy a house sooner and give William a more stable home life.

Tyler will never know more than one house if I can help it. The majority of his memories will happen here. The sad part is that life is pure hell. I don't know if he is having a happy childhood or not. I know raising kids and being a kid isn't all sunshine and rainbows but why are things so diffucult around here?

Besides on early death.. my biggest fear is Tyler is going to be an unemployed, uneducated 500 lb man who eats all day long.  I wonder am I giving my kid an eating disorder? Is it too late? He has my bad habits? Of not knowing when to stop and eating more than needed?

I suppose this ended up being more than about Shadow. We have an IEP tomorrow and I am sure they will try to do their teacher talk and we always do it this way and blah blah.. go hush your mouths up and teach.  Quit with all the damn testing and go back to the basics.  But don't listen to me. Just go ahead of fuck up this generation so we have a bunch of grown ups that can't read and can't do math. Oh don't forget.. they baby this generation. I walked bare foot in the snow both ways!! haha  ok. Rant over.

I haven't been feeling too well and I suppose it's pms trying to kick my ass before it gets here. Maybe even a little depressed. What we are doing at home isn't working. 

Tyler started 8th grade and I didn't even bother to take a picture of him on his first day of school. I know that's kind of bad. Maybe, this school stuff is getting old. Just one more year closer to high school and one more year closer to him being of legal age.

Maybe, I didn't take the picture since it's unifomrs. It's not going to look any different from last year. I suppose I could still snap a picture and pretend it's the first day. 

Rockford Park District!! Thank you!!

One of my favorite summer traditions to go to Magic Waters and spend the day. Tyler and I went today and we had a blast. I have had to get brave to get some thrills with him. I don't believe I went to Magic Waters as a kid. I might have been once but don't recall doing much.

A few years back, I learned about the fun packets that The Rockford Park District sells to those that qualify. We get a summer full of events worth over 200 for 25 bucks!! It's something I wish I would have known when William was younger because he hasn't really gotten the same outings as Tyler has gotten.

He has gotten some but it was past the point where it's fun to hang out with Mom.

A few times today, Tyler left me alone and was interacting with other children. He got a little bord and tired with Magic Waters after about 7 hours of fun. I hope I can get a few more years with him while he still thinks it's fun to hang with Mom.

We have kind of got a late start with summer due to the weather and me taking on extra shifts at work. I always struggle with finding that perfect balance to work and spend quality time with Tyler.

I miss the days when my kids were young and one had all year for fun. He works so hard during the school year that there isn't a lot of fun that goes on during the school year.

In a perfect world, I would have my weekends free during the school year with him and in a perfect world I wouldn't have to send Tyler to his other parent every other weekend due to divorce.

It's a good thing that I have accepted that I wasn't born into a perfect world nor do I lead a perfect life or I might be pretty ticked off.

I am so thankful to The Rockford Park District for offering discounts for camps and the fun packets for children to have an enjoyable summer.

Not everyone has the funds to go on vacations away from home or pools in their backyards or the funds sitting around for expensive summer camp.

I am so lucky that we have a park system that has been set up to help the children that are not being raised with higher wage earning parents to have a summer filled with fun. These packets are not a giveaway to the paretns. The parents pay for them and also pay for themselves in most of the situations. Not complaining one bit. I love experiencing all the fun things. I get to watch my son has fun and I get to be a kid a again.

Tyler will have 3 weeks of sleepaway camp. It's not free. We had to pay and even then had to sacerfice and count our pennies to cover the 3 weeks.. I am not complaining though. The summer memories that he will carry with him for a lifetime is worth the sacerfice that as his parents that we make.

Tyler will have many events of swimming, two trips to Magic waters, golf, trolley ride, forest city queeen ride and ice skating if I can convince him. This isn't everything but it's a good bit.. Can't remember them all right off hand.

There is the tradition of the trail ride!! I love watching him ride the horses as much as he loves riding them. I hope to be able to afford to ride my own horse this year!! I have never been on a horse. I figure if I can brave Splash Blaster and live to talk about it.. Then, I can brave a horse ride. I think horses are such beautiful animals. Maybe, I can take one home?? :)

I don't know how the word gets around about this wonderful program. I didn't know about it until Tyler was finsihing up 5th grade I believe. The Park District has helped us make traditions and memories that we most likely wouldn't be making had we not learned more about what they have to offer to children like my son.

Thank again to the Rockford Park District!! Keep doing what your doing. It doesn't go unnoticed and I am sure I am not the only parent who appreciates our summer filled with exciting events that are affordable to my family. 

My birthday!!

 My first size 10 jeans that I manage to get to fit. 

 An old picture to remind me how far I have came wth losing weight. 

Hey all.. anyone still read this?? I don't write too often.

Tad and I have been picking fights with Tyler's school and not sure we came out on the winning side. They really tick me off!! Anyone want to donate money for a private school?  Only five more years in public school!! Yikes!! Am I really that old?

I been slacking off on working out some.. I really need to start running due to that I signed up for the color run on June 1st.

I got a new scale and according to it. I am at a total of 65 lbs down. I will try to post pictures later.

I got to see my little sister graduate from Rock Valley!! Pretty cool!!

Work is going pretty good. I may need to add more hours due to use just not having enough money. I am worried about this summer. If Tyler's Dad doesn't get a job we are going to lose about 200 a month in child support.

Well, it's late. Good night. 

meee

I haven't written in a while. I stay pretty busy between work and working out. My weight loss total right now is 54.5 lbs lost since feb of last year. It's pretty amazing. Counting calories gets old though. You never know how fast the calories add up. Luckily, I work my butt off at the Y which gives me some wriggle room with eating.
I am slowing down on zumba to do this running program called couch to 5k. By this time next week, I should be running for 20 minutes at once. If I am still alive I will come back to brag about it. If I fall of the treadmill, I will most likely laugh at myself.

I am very ready for spring to get here. It will be nice to take my dogs out for more walks and the same with my client.

Every month, I try on these capri's that I bought when I went shopping with Ashley! I don't normally buy clothes that don't fit. I know that might motivate some people but it doesn't me. Well, when I am with my daughter, I just let all guards down and enjoy the moment. The capri's were extremely cheap on sale at Old Navy so it's okay that they didn't fit.

Two months ago, I finally got them on. This month, they feel better. I suspect by the time it's warm enough I will have enough wriggle room so I don't split a whole in the ass of them.

I have a couple pairs of shorts that I bought when I was with Ashley too. It's possible they won't fit me.  This weight loss comes at a pricey cost. I love the new bright clothes and none of my clothes look blah anymore.

Well, it's about time to get ready for work.

catch up

I haven't really written much on here lately. I stay pretty busy. I work full time but lately I have had quite a few Tuedays off to give me a 3 day weekend. It gives me a little insight into Tad's day staying home with kids.
I have felt like I have grown closer to Amiah in the last couple months. Not that I didn't love her but Papa spends so much time with her that he is her go to person for everything. She has grown into such a cute doll and so smart.
She has almost potty trained herself. It just took all of us to put her in panties during the day and she has just taken off. I am so proud of her.
I have my little routines with Amiah even though Papa is her go to person. She always pokes me to wake me up in the morning. When I get dressed for work or the day.. she follows me in the bedroom and jumps on the bed.
When I am brushing my hair and teeth she comes in the bathroom and gets pretty too. She wants me to spray her hair like Nana does and likes to put a little make up on if Nana does. She even brushes her teeth when I do mine.

Today we took her to the school for Tyler's IEP meeting and she behaved so well. I am so proud of her. She did get upset cause she wanted a bus ride home. I felt so bad for her. I think Nana needs to take her on a bus ride but I bet she wouldn't be happy since it's not a school bus.

I spend quite a bit of time working out at the YMCA!! I been doing a little walking. There is this track near my house that is a pretty good workout. I have an heart moniter so I know what the calorie burn is. I use my wii fitness board too. My goal is workout pretty much daily. I seem to average about 5 to 6 times a week.

I hope to hit 50 lbs down in about three weeks. Then I will have gotten to my goal in one year.

William turned 18 in November. It's an hard concept to really see him as an adult and no longer a child that I have to provide for. He hasn't gotten a job so it's hard to really see him as a adult ect.

Tyler is doing pretty well. He works hard in school and stays pretty busy.

Happy new year!!