Sunday, September 8, 2013

Shadow

It seems like it's been forever since Shadow was hit by a car and died. However, in some ways it seems like it was just like yesterday. Shadow was the dog that replaced the two dogs that we had to give away when I had to move from a crappy lead invested house to a crappy small 2 bedroom apartment.

Blue was too big and at the last minute I found a home for her and Buddy was a small dog but we didn't have the money for a pet deposit.

William begged for Shadow and honestly I had lost track at how old he was getting to be.  He was a sweet old dog but guilty for thinking he wasn't my favorite. My favorite of course is Ann!! She was my reward for buying a house. Screw you apartments I can get a big dog now!

We have adjusted well to only having two dogs. I think they are getting more walks now. Walking 2 dogs is a challenge. Walking 3 is next to impossible. I am happy with the two dogs and one cat. I still have 2 bunnies and fish. Someday, after my bunnies cross the rainbow bridge I may say goodbye to bunny days.

I feel bad for the way Shadow's life ended. Our dogs are pretty smart and well behaved and I think we got cocky and thought it could never happen to us. Dogs getting ran over only happens to people who don't know how to control their dogs.

I lost track of how long ago Ann and shadow fought and Shadow lost his eye. I am thinking 4 years ago. I think we just past 5 years of living here. Let me count, 2007, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 2013  So that's six years of having my own home.  It's one of the proudest things I have done for my children. My only regret is that I didn't buy a house sooner and give William a more stable home life.

Tyler will never know more than one house if I can help it. The majority of his memories will happen here. The sad part is that life is pure hell. I don't know if he is having a happy childhood or not. I know raising kids and being a kid isn't all sunshine and rainbows but why are things so diffucult around here?

Besides on early death.. my biggest fear is Tyler is going to be an unemployed, uneducated 500 lb man who eats all day long.  I wonder am I giving my kid an eating disorder? Is it too late? He has my bad habits? Of not knowing when to stop and eating more than needed?

I suppose this ended up being more than about Shadow. We have an IEP tomorrow and I am sure they will try to do their teacher talk and we always do it this way and blah blah.. go hush your mouths up and teach.  Quit with all the damn testing and go back to the basics.  But don't listen to me. Just go ahead of fuck up this generation so we have a bunch of grown ups that can't read and can't do math. Oh don't forget.. they baby this generation. I walked bare foot in the snow both ways!! haha  ok. Rant over.

I haven't been feeling too well and I suppose it's pms trying to kick my ass before it gets here. Maybe even a little depressed. What we are doing at home isn't working. 

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