Happy Candy Day!

I took this random picture because my camera was acting funny and I was just shooting and I got this awesome picture.

I can't believe it's the end of October. Where did the time go? I have some news but not gonna share it yet. It's big! Well, I might share it if you think you know me well enough to ask me. hehehe.

Yesterday, Tad and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been three years already. I can't help but me amazed at Tad's and mine struggles in this marriage. It was rough going for a while. I didn't fully understand the depth of his drinking problem and he didn't fully understand the depth of my loss over my daughter being placed for adoption. I just didn't move on. I was sad. I was sad a lot. He was drinking a lot. It wasn't a good combination.

He has been sober for a year and half and I am so proud of him. He doesn't make any promises but says he has zero desire to drink. If he knew the cure, he would probably sell it to you. I have been in contact with Ashley for a year now. It's wonderful. I have pictures of her in my house. I went through a lot of counseling to be able to cope better. The contact in the middle of that really helped a lot. It's so amazing to see how great of a girl she is. Also, a very beautiful and smart girl.

So, our anniversary means a lot to me. It's not just a number or a date. It's the time that I married my husband. I am so glad that I did and I am glad that we have found happiness with each other again. It's a bad feeling when your home life is really depressing. I have never felt so loved that I do with Tad. He has always been good with Tyler. He has been really trying to get along with Will and we all know that getting along with a teenager takes patience. He tells me that I am beautiful and is always there for me.

He accepts how I am silly and like to collect dolls and dress them. I have a total of six now. Three girls and three boys. The brady bunch. lol Saturday, we were by ourselves and out and about and we stopped so I could pay on my doll. After, I gave a twenty, he asked how much was left and paid the balance. Then, he was making fun of me of how I quickly had to lock the door of the van. The doll thieves are out there, ya know?

It was also Jen and Gary's birthday and I hope they had a great day. Today, is my brothers birthday. I should call him later. I should be sleeping but can't. Tad thinks it's all in my head. I just want to sleep so bad and I can't. So, basically, every week, I loss out on a nights worth of sleep. I don't need a lot of physical energy on Sunday night because my client is sleeping but I have to stay awake. I watched two movies and was really uncomfortable because the house was hot and stuffy. Well, anyways, I have went on and on and that's enough for now.

Rec Night

Tonight, Tyler has Rec night at his school. He is going as a prisoner. I wish I could go but I have to work. So, Tad, Jen and Amiah will be going with him. I hope Tad takes some pictures so I can at least see them. It's Tyler's last year in grade school. :( Where did the years go? I have been to quite a few school events. I try not to miss them but sometimes I just can't afford not to work. I don't have a company that even tries to help you get hours in other times in the week. Typically, I am off Mon through Wed. but none of the events seem to fall on those days. Well, gonna sleep a little more. I don't get 8 hours in a row but I take what I can get.

3rd shift

I exchanged one of my second shifts for 3rd shift about a month ago. I go from 10 pm to 7 am. I don't have too much interacting with my client so basically I am watching tv, watching a movie, reading and trying to stay awake.
Since, I am working the Sunday overnight that gives me one extra day to be home in the evening. Plus, if I wanna I can go to church on Wed. night. My only problem and I am not sure if it's from working third shift is that I haven't been feeling well. In this month, I was sick with stomach pains, and backache which I can't get to go away. I am pretty uncomfortable. I can't walk long, sit long. I can lay around but then I feel so bored.
I don't know if I am having problems because I am not getting enough sleep. Sunday, I woke up at 9 am and then around 3pm I slept for an hour and then I went to work. I had to drive Will to school and then I got home and slept from 9 am to 11 30 am. My friend Rachel called me. I could have slept till 2 pm but I probably would of woke up on my own. I am not much of a day sleeper. I can sleep a couple hours and if I get woke up or wake up, I am up. I hope this back ache goes away soon. I am really uncomfortable. I might try swimming tomorrow and sitting in the sauna at the Y.

I am about to leave for babysitting. I almost wish I never agreed to do this on Sunday Mornings. It's kind of a pain to have to wake up to go work an hour and half and lately the kids haven't been coming. So, I am not even hanging out with any kids. I can't really quit because I am depending on that money for the furniture payment.

Next week, will make one year since I first wrote Ashley on Facebook. It wasn't an easy decision because besides the fear of rejection, I knew sending the message would affect more than just me. I am so glad that I did. It's hard to believe it's been almost a year.

I have collected a total of 30 dollars for Meld. I am going to give them a check around Mid December plus I am going to give them some baby clothes that I have bought at the good will. It makes me so happy that people care enough to give to this organization. I love volunteering for Meld. It's so fun playing with the kids and knowing that I a part of something so good.

The more that I go volunteer for Meld, the more that I just fall in love with this program. With the Mom's, with the kids and just the idea behind it. Don't get freaked out. Maybe falling in love in a funny way. It's my passion. I don't think that young parent has to mean adoption. Or young parent has to mean that they are bad parents. Meld is providing so much help to these Mom's. It's the help that they're family couldn't or wouldn't give.
Tonight, I have a heavy heart. One of the Mom's was found dead with a man in a van. We are not sure if it's a Mom from the Monday night group but one of the Mom's was a no show and there was a lot of people outside her house. If it's the Mom that I am thinking. She had two son. Both of the children are black and one has beautiful blue eyes. I just keep seeing his blue eyes appear into my mind and when I think how he will cry for Mom and Mom won't come. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. Both these babies are young enough to never have any memories of Mom. Why do people do these things? I am just too soft of a person. I am crying over a girl that I didn't know. I maybe seen her a few times. Like, I said, it might not be one that I met. But it's the same. When I think that this girl is someone's Mom, daughter, sister or friend and poof she is dead. It's not in the news yet. Sometimes, I think people don't care because it's just a black girl. Black, white, mexican, or purple. I don't care. It's a life of a young women and a man. When I think how it could be my sons and daughters who's life could be snuffed out. It makes me sick. I know I didn't raise Ashley but it wouldn't change my horror if something happened to her. Or the horrors of how drastic life would change if someone snuffed out Will's or Tyler's life or Jen or Gary or Amiah. I hope whoever did it gets what they deserve.