I am at 20lbs away from being at a healthy weight!! It's been almost 2 years since I set out to lose 50lbs and now I am 76lbs lost.  I am ready for this part of of getting healthy to be over. But not quite ready to quit losing weight. I spend a lot of time at my favorite place the YMCA!!

I obess over the calories or some might call counting calories obsessing.  Oh well
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I am so proud of me! I have worked so hard and it shows. Weight loss isn't as hard as some make it out to be but it's not as easy as it looks.  I love most of the comments I get.

I think the funniest one is did you mean to lose it? No. I keep looking around for the 76lbs but I just can't seem to find it. Or how about the one that I am too skinny. Or do you eat??  Nope. I don't eat.

The worst was when someone wanted to talk to me for 10 mins about my weight loss as I held a cookie in my hand. I didn't want to eat the cookie and talk and all I could think of was could you leave me alone so I can eat my cookie. haha

I been doing weight training which is taking my out of my comfort zone. Somedays, I feel confident like I belong. Other days, I want to hide away in the corner away from all the buff men. I know I shouldn't feel bad and hell they look good but do they have to look so confident while they look good.

Food for thought...

I feel like people have a wrong impression of what it means to be on a diet. I get many comments about what people think I am eating or not eating. Some people tend to think being on a diet and watching what you eat looks like this.

That isn't a diet any of us can stay on for long.

Here is a better example of a diet one could stay on for a while. This is my dinner from the other night that I took with me to work.

It is veggie chili that orginally has 246 calories. I added a serving of peas, half serving of cheese and serving of crackers.  I did 200 grams of canalope. My total calorie count for dinner was 484 calories and it was very filling.

I have been doing this new workout program at the Y. My weight loss has slowed down a bit. I am working on toning and doing slightly less cardio. Here is a recent picture of me taken after my 9th workout on my new program. I am not sure if the chance is enough to be noticed in pics but I was able to do 15 girl push ups and the another 15. That is something that at the begining I couldn't do.

Just for the record. I am too shy to do the full body shots that would show the flab on my arms.

Shadow

It seems like it's been forever since Shadow was hit by a car and died. However, in some ways it seems like it was just like yesterday. Shadow was the dog that replaced the two dogs that we had to give away when I had to move from a crappy lead invested house to a crappy small 2 bedroom apartment.

Blue was too big and at the last minute I found a home for her and Buddy was a small dog but we didn't have the money for a pet deposit.

William begged for Shadow and honestly I had lost track at how old he was getting to be.  He was a sweet old dog but guilty for thinking he wasn't my favorite. My favorite of course is Ann!! She was my reward for buying a house. Screw you apartments I can get a big dog now!

We have adjusted well to only having two dogs. I think they are getting more walks now. Walking 2 dogs is a challenge. Walking 3 is next to impossible. I am happy with the two dogs and one cat. I still have 2 bunnies and fish. Someday, after my bunnies cross the rainbow bridge I may say goodbye to bunny days.

I feel bad for the way Shadow's life ended. Our dogs are pretty smart and well behaved and I think we got cocky and thought it could never happen to us. Dogs getting ran over only happens to people who don't know how to control their dogs.

I lost track of how long ago Ann and shadow fought and Shadow lost his eye. I am thinking 4 years ago. I think we just past 5 years of living here. Let me count, 2007, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 2013  So that's six years of having my own home.  It's one of the proudest things I have done for my children. My only regret is that I didn't buy a house sooner and give William a more stable home life.

Tyler will never know more than one house if I can help it. The majority of his memories will happen here. The sad part is that life is pure hell. I don't know if he is having a happy childhood or not. I know raising kids and being a kid isn't all sunshine and rainbows but why are things so diffucult around here?

Besides on early death.. my biggest fear is Tyler is going to be an unemployed, uneducated 500 lb man who eats all day long.  I wonder am I giving my kid an eating disorder? Is it too late? He has my bad habits? Of not knowing when to stop and eating more than needed?

I suppose this ended up being more than about Shadow. We have an IEP tomorrow and I am sure they will try to do their teacher talk and we always do it this way and blah blah.. go hush your mouths up and teach.  Quit with all the damn testing and go back to the basics.  But don't listen to me. Just go ahead of fuck up this generation so we have a bunch of grown ups that can't read and can't do math. Oh don't forget.. they baby this generation. I walked bare foot in the snow both ways!! haha  ok. Rant over.

I haven't been feeling too well and I suppose it's pms trying to kick my ass before it gets here. Maybe even a little depressed. What we are doing at home isn't working.