I took my client to the salone. A lot of the time, I look around in the doll shop near there. I have bought two dolls from her and I have been itching to buy another. But I just couldn't find the right one. I seen this little red head doll. I just had it have her. Ouch.. It was more expensive and a rare doll. I could picture that this doll might bring memories of my husband's little Jennifer. So, I put the doll on layaway. This morning, I got to thinking, I can't wait until I can bring the little Jennifer doll home. It got me thinking about my place in Jennifers life. My husband refers to her as "our daughter" But she can't be mine. She has a Mom. I don't see where she fits in as being "our daughter" Also, if I say that she can't be my daughter, because she has a Mom. Where does that leave me with feeling like Ashley is my daughter. I know I am not her Mom, but where can I fit it. Ouch!! It fucking hurts. Also, I wonder if by allowing myself to think of Jennifer as "My daughter" Am I cheating on Ashley? Maybe part of my sadness is that I want to find a doll that could give me memories of my daughter, but one I don't have the memories and two I don't have any idea what doll to get. I know no blond doll. I am guessing the best I could do was buy a Jennifer doll. This is a horrible time to get all depressed, because I am taking a final in 20 mintues. Fuck!!!!