I haven't been quite myself lately. I am not even sure what myself is anymore. I have been having a pretty rough time as of late. I miss Bob and Sandy so bad. After spending two years with them, I have come to love them so much. I worked with a different client this weekend and my heart just isn't in it. Also, my company is treating me as if I am on call. If it's within hours I say I can work, they expect me to jump. I can't jump so I had to tell them to block all my hours, besides the ones they gave me. Luckily, my guy has been working more this week. This has given me sometime to just deal with life. I am loving him more and more these days. He is awesome.

I am missing Ashley more and more as her birthday comes up. I have some special birthday plans for her, but she won't be there of course. It will probably just be my husband and me. I hope someday she can know that she was/is wanted and loved by me. It's hard to believe that she is 18 years old. Wow!!! She is probably so beautiful!! My biggest fear is what if she faced the same fate as me. Closed adoptions suck and I am glad that they are more of a thing of the past. I really wish I could proudly display a picture of Ashley on my wall. The last one that I have she must have been about three. I think it would help all of us remember that she is grown and not a baby. I wish her parents were not so afraid or fearful of me. I wish they would remember that I choose life!!! I would never harm "our daughter"