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retreat

I leave on my retreat tonight. I am excited and scared at the same time. I won't know anyone. It's for Mom's with children with special needs so we all should have a lot in common. It's being put on with the help of Easter Seals so it could be more Mom's with children with mental conditions like autism or other developmental problems but  I would be wrong. We used to live at Easter Seals for therapy but they sort of kick you out after the child is three. They do have things here and there but it still feels like your on your own.

I suppose they kick you because the school is suppose to take over with the therapy and stuff but don't get me started there. Will someone tell me why Tyler graduated from speech as soon as middle school started but there are times he still stumbles over words?

I suppose I should be grateful for how far he has come and I am. I am so proud of him.  Well, I have to get a few things to bring with me. 

Can we build it? YES! WE CAN!!

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My cat wants to go to work with me.

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Tonight, I worked up the nerve to ask my daughter if it would be okay to call her from time to time. See, I connected with her on a social network thing and so we kind of skipped the phone call stuff that might have happened if I found her the old fashioned way.


She wrote back and said that it would be okay to call her. Can you imagine fretting over if it was okay to call your own child? To fear she would say what for? Or she might say why would I want to talk to you? It's what adoption does to a mother. It tears in self esteem down. It makes her feel less worthy than other Mother's. It just plain sucks.

I decided to just ask cause I want more. I want to really know my daughter. I don't just want to be a "friend" on the site. l. It's a huge relief that she said yes.  Now, the question is can I talk freely without tripping over my words and putting my foot in my mouth.

I have a short week at work cause I go on my retreat for Mom's of special needs children. I made the mistake of saying that when Tyler could hear me and he was wondering who had special needs. Is it really true that Tyler doesn't understand that he is different? 

I don't know if that is good or bad. He does know how he used sign language as a young kid but of course doesn't remember sign. It's hard to believe that he didn't talk until about six or seven. 

Well, anyways, I am looking forward to the retreat. It's kind of scary cause most likely I won't know anyone there. I almost told this friend that has a child with health issues about it but I really kind of just want to focus on me and don't want the distractions of friends. 

It's going to be very different for me cause I have never been away from home. I have always been with my husband or kids. I know I will miss them. Also, gonna miss my pets. 

I really haven't been blogging much besides sending pictures here and there. It's been a really stressful time lately. We haven't been the best at always paying the bills on time and they all came crashing down on us at once. WE managed to get the majority of the bills paid but they will just keep coming around. Oh, I wish for an easier time with money.

I am working more now because we just couldn't make it through the week. It was no fun for me to be part time if we are dirt poor. I feel so rotten if my kids need something and I can't buy it. Sometimes, something will be on my mind for weeks before I just break down and spend the money.

This week I bought Tyler a sweat jacket, new bed sheets and got him a hair cut. Tomorrow, we are going to see the Lion King. I can't wait.

In case your wondering what all the construction pictures are about it's a building that is going up outside my new clients apartment. I am taking pictures of it weekly but I notice that not much is showing up different. I may have to start taking them biweekly to see if we can see something differnt in them.  

Well, I should get some sleep cause morning comes soon enough.

Not sure if my phone camera can see the changes but I can see progress.

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My beautiful dog!

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Can we do it? Yes! We can!

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A building we go. Yes! We can!

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My daughter's birthday is creeping up on me again. I can't believe she is going to be 20! I feel old. So far, all I have gotten her is a card. It's cause I am broke. I been working more cause Tad isn't working but we been so far behind in bills that I still feel broke. However, the house payment is paid, the gas bill is paid. Gonna pay the electric bill today. I don't know why everyone wants my money lol  I know if I keep getting the extra hours that we will be fine but I just hope I actually get to enjoy some of the extra after all the bills are caught up.

Back to her birthday. I am not sure what to get her. I can't afford a lot because of all the past due bills that I am catching up. This isn't the time to ignore them. I am probably just going to send some flowers cause honestly I still don't really know her well enough to pick out the perfect gift. It's sad but it's the truth. Well, I am happy that I can send gifts cause before I couldn't. So, I will take what I can get. I love her so much that I would give her the moon but I don't think I can get a ladder tall enough. 

Kitty laying in a baby chair.

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Men working hard or hardly working?
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