I married my first husband young. We were only 18 and 19 years of age. I loved him, but mostly I was just seeking attention, and wanted to move out of my Mom's house. We quickly fell into a pattern of not really talking to each other. He worked one shift and I worked the other shift. We didn't rely on a babysitter too much. My mother n law liked to have the kids on Saturday nights and, we would drive them to church, and back. Then we would all have lunch and spend part of the day with her. We didn't have cable mostly, and my husband would catch up on TV shows that his Mom would tape for her. By march of 2000, we had our second son, Tyler. My husband only wanted one child, but I pushed for a second at least. So on March 16Th, 2000, Tyler was born.
Tyler was special needs, and needed a lot of extra help. That all fell on my shoulders. My husband worked more hours than me, and I worked the evening shift, and most therapy's are in the day. Tyler has come a long way. My husband and I, made mistakes that make the bond of marriage even more strained. We became two people, who lived together and had kids together. We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff. We didn't fight much, because I just let stuff happen. Just because we weren't fighting, didn't mean we were happy.
In the summer of 2006, my husband moved out, and neither of us looked back. We didn't try to save the marriage. It had been over with for a long time. Because I was already in a relationship with Tad, he moved in pretty fast. It wasn't the right thing to do, but Tad was being kicked from his place, and needed a place to stay and could help pay bills.
Tad and I married Oct 24 of last year. I love him very much. He became the person who would watch the kids while I work. That worked while we were renting, but not after we got the house. So he had to work.
William didn't take to us buying the house and getting married. It was another reminder that I am not married to his Dad. He started acting out and not listening and being hard to deal with. In January, I agreed he could go live with his Dad. I thought that would fix things, but in a sense it's made things worse. Tad can be a fun guy. He likes to do crazy stuff, like exploring areas like the old drive in theater, the big water hole, lighting of fireworks. All that fun stuff that I don't have the urge to do. Tad isn't like his Dad. They are very different. His Dad likes wrestling, darts, going to church. Dad likes to go to things, like the waterfront, Great America, and live wrestling events. Tad would much prefer to stay away from all that. Tad is a more involved Dad. His kids can talk to him about stuff, and Dad is more likely to not talk. You might have to pull his teeth. He is a very quiet and maybe even a little anti social, unless you can talk about something, he really likes. Dad treats Will better than Tyler. He doesn't pay much attention to him. He doesn't really call him. He sees him every other weekend, and that's about it. Tad and Dad are very different, but that doesn't make Dad any less of a important person in my kids lives.
Tad treats Will and Tyler very different. Tyler he has accepted almost as his own. He is very good with him. He helps him do homework, cooks him dinner, sees that he has clean clothes, and goes to lunch at his school. He finds babysitters for Tyler while he works. (we can't find a daycare that will accept him as part-time, without full time pay) He brings him little presents, like cool rocks.
He treats Will pretty badly. If Will talks about something that they like, that is stupid. If Will says they have a computer or cable, Tad says no you don't. If Will says, him and his Dad do stuff, he says no you don't. If Will says his house is clean, Tad says no it isn't. Now I seen Bill's and Will's place. It wasn't clean,but I still don't see the need to constant talking down to Will. Now he is a teenager, and doesn't really accept Tad in his life. I will admit Will can act like a jerk. Instead of talking to him, like a adult,Tad talks to him like he is a teenager. He is poking him and trying to fight with him. I don't mean fight personally, just pushes him on.
He is always hearing Tad trash talk his Dad, and wants respect from Will. I know Will might not always be telling the truth about what goes on at their place, but is it really worth fighting over. Do we care if they have a computer? Or if they have cable? Or that they like video games? Aren't we fighting over stupid crap? Do I have a adult and a teenager both fighting like teenagers? Yes I do.
He also does this with Tyler around. How long before Tyler turns on Tad, because he doesn't like hearing his Dad being trashed. This isn't always said to Tyler, but he can hear. Even if what he says about their Dad is true, they don't need to hear it over and over. They will learn that their Dad isn't perfect on their own, but then again who is. Is it wrong if Will isn't like Tad? No. Is it wrong if Will is like Dad? It's okay with me if he has Dad's same interest. But I think Tad sees a mini Dad in Will, so he can't get past the Dad in Will. He has bad feelings for my ex, and carries them over in the child.
Yesterday was Will's birthday. I came up with this idea at the last minute to throw him a pizza party at our house. I was talking a couple friends from where he lives. We have never met them. I have heard of them, but never met them. Tad wasn't going to allow it. He didn't want people he don't know here. So I took Will, his friend, and Tyler out to Golden Coral. We had a nice dinner. Tad brought a cake for us to have. It turned out okay, but I was still upset on how he treated my idea.
Going back to Tyler's birthday party. He invited his ex wife at the last minute, and I didn't have a chance to say okay or not. She brings her boyfriend, who we never met. He had dinner with us too. It was okay. Tad never said a thing about her bringing someone we don't know.
Going back to when my sister moved in. This girl we don't know helped her move in. He didn't say anything about that. She has been back a couple times, and I still don't really know her. It don't bother me and don't bother Tad. So we are talking about having a early Thanksgiving Dinner, and he tells my sister, she can bring a friend. He didn't tell her that we have to know them first. How come everyone can bring someone they don't know, but when it comes to my son, I can't do that. It's a bunch of bull shit. We have had plenty of kids in our house that we didn't know until we started talking to them. Tad says that Dad should help pay for Will's birthday celebration. Now I wanted to do something for his birthday, he is my kid after all. Dad is taking him somewhere Sunday for his Birthday. Should I send money? No.
When it comes to Tyler, Tad doesn't ever say that Dad should pay for half. Dad doesn't ask money of me, and I don't ask of it from him.
Tad and his first wife stayed married until after the kids were grown, so we don't have to deal with step kids coming, and spending the night. I never had to be a authority figure, and tell them to do their homework, to go to bed, no you can't use the computer, to go outside and play. I didn't have to tell them to clean up their rooms or who they could and couldn't hang with. Did they have a better life, because their parents stayed together? I don't know. I have heard some horror stories, they had to deal with, but they aren't my stories to tell. Maybe the hard part in divorce isn't the divorce, but the remarriage of new people. Should I start throwing the horror stories in their face? No way!! I would never do that. That wouldn't be right to them. They know what they went through as kids, and came out pretty good, and love both their parents. It's not my place to trash the other parent. Maybe I am trashing their Dad, but this has nothing to do with how he raised them. This has to do with what kind of example he is providing for my children. All I want is the same. Give me the same respect that his kids get from me. Lastly for everyone in a split family. Remember if you are drowning. I am going to save my kid. I can get another husband. I can't get another Will or Tyler.
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