I am not the only one living in so much pain and don't know to escape it. I am always being told hw lucky I am to have two sons. Does that mean that I shouldn't have any kids? How am I lucky that my life has been hell because a piece of me is missing. Should someone who loses one arm be considered lucky, because they still have one arm. Below is an example of a blog from someone who was forced to place her daughter for adoption. She has been reunited for 5 years now and ha a relationship such as a big sister. Read her pain. It's mind as well.

We are forced to walk away from our CHILDREN and people wonder why we can walk away from husbands after eighteen years. People wonder why we show no emotions. Because when it comes down to it, our anger is so raw, we are afraid of it. Or our anger is so painful nobody wants to deal with it. Or our anger makes us and others uncomfortable.

It is still there. After all these years.

I agree it's still there. It's am still so pissed, hurt, and just overall mad at myself. I have been a prisoner to it. I don't know if I will ever be happy.