I am not very happy. I am beyond sad. I hate the person that I am today. I am not the same person I was meant to be. Sometimes, I wonder if life is even worth living. I feel very alone in the world. I don't even feel like I can even talk to my own husband without him passing judgement or comparing me to someone else. It's six am and I have only slept a few hours. I am tired beyond tired, but my mind won't stop. I have to work 11 hours tomorrow and then two on Sunday and then I am off for a whole week unless they call me in. My client said that he loved me and I was like huh buddy don't go there. I can't afford to feel anything for you. Great guy and all.
Sunday, is my night at the nursing home. I tried and tried to just deal with the staff, but it's not worth it. They can keep their little bit I get paid for working two hour shifts. I feel bad for the guy, but I got to do with what is best for me. And pissing off a bunch of bitches at the nursing home in the late evenings isn't going to be good. Have you ever been around family and friends and you still feel alone? That's how I feel. Like Tad and I are living two separate lives. It's like we are both on separate tracks that run side by side. We are living our daily rat race of a life but never meeting.