on the 13Th day of Christmas Santas helpers bought

Another dinosaur. I thought these toys looked so fun and what boy wouldn't like playing with them. This one is for a boy of three too.

On the 12TH day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A dinosaur. Basically same kind of toys as the last child. It's for a three year old boy.

on the 11Th day of Christmas Santas helpers brought

A dinosaur to for a three year old boy. I don't have a clue on who he is so mostly just making sure that I got a toy that was safe for a three year old.

This was my first week of not having to work the ten hour overnight on Sunday night. I really hated it. Well, it was kind of nice because I would bring dvd's and the little computer to keep myself awake. So, in some ways, it was like free money. However, getting up on Sunday at 9 am to babysit at the church and not getting to bed till 8 or 9 am on Monday was just too hard on me. It would take me until late Tuesday just to feel normal again.

I love watching Amiah. She is fun to have around and is a pretty good baby. She does cry when you tell her no. It was funny today, I pulled her chair up to the table, without the tray, and she tried to lick the table and I said no, don't do that and she cried. Girls, have that high pitched cry and I can hear her in a year or two screaming for a toy. Or maybe, she will be so spoiled she won't need to scream. She will just give you the look and people will buy.

When I feed her baby food, I play like the spoon is an airplane and I make airplane noises and sometimes it runs out of gas and just barely lands in her mouth. She does really good at following the spoon.

So, I only work three nights a week now. I hope it will give me some of that feeling back of actually liking my job. On Sunday nights, I felt like I babysat the tv and I am hoping because I am only going to be with my client three nights a week that I will get less bored with her. I figure by the time, I get so tired of the endless repeating of stuff. (memory loss) that my week will be over.

On the tenth day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A bug game. I chose this game for a 3 year old. I admit that this gift and the ones to come, I really didn't have a child in mind. I mean I had a name but I couldn't think of who the kid is. One of the next children maybe the one that came in only a few times. The first time, he cried no matter what I did. He was a very heavy child so it wasn't possible to carry him around, but I tried. Even when I would set him done he would follow me and cry. Finally, I got him to work on puzzles and he stopped crying. So, the next time he came in and cried only for a minute and worked on puzzles. I can't be sure who got what anymore. However, I picked this game because it's one of those early games that mom's can play with their children

On the ninth day of Christmas Santas helpers brought.

A doctor set. Both my kids had one of these and it was a fun toy. It's for a little boy of two years of age. He hasn't came in on a regular basis but when he does he plays really well.

On the eight day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A little farm set. This gift is for this little girl about a year and half. I always know she is coming because I can hear her crying before I see her and I say I can hear my (girl's name) coming in. She likes to be held and I wish I had more time to do that. This last ten weeks I have been the one juggling the young babies so my helper has been the one to comfort her more than I have been able to. She is such a cutie. Of course, you all know that I tend to favor the girls. It's weird though because the newborns boys were not on my list. So, I don't know what happened to them. I hope all is well with them and their Moms.

On the Seventh day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A cute little soft feeling pant and shirt outfit and a teething book. It's for a little girl about six months old. She has only been coming to group with her for the past ten week session. She is a really happy baby and I enjoy her.

On the 6th day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

Mr. Potato head. This gift goes to a little boy who is just a little over 2 years of age. He is at that age that his language skills are growing fast. He has been coming really regularly for the past 3 ten week sessions. It has been fun to watch him grow. This boy has always played really well, but I fear that the behavior of the older children is affecting him. I really hope that he doesn't get too wrapped up in watching the bigger boys because he was such sweet kid.
Both my kids had Mr. Potato head and he provided good times and it's really a good learning tool for learning about eyes, ears, noses and well you get my point.

I have been enjoying this Christmas season. It's not always true. A lot of times it's been too much focus on getting gifts and not enough on creating some memories of the season. We always do the tree but this year we did two of them.
Tyler and I made chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I can't remember the last time that I did anything like that. Normally, I do the break and bake type. I was surprised at how easy and quick they were and they are actually still soft after the 24 hours.
Having contact with my daughter makes Christmas more of a reason to celebrate. It's still a dream come true.
Tyler and I made a ginger bread house and we worked on a homemade Christmas present. It's been fun.

On the Fifth day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A 4 pack of soft blocks and a pair of Dora Pajamas. This gift went to a baby girl about six months old. I believe I have only seen her a couple times. The Mom's don't have to bring their children with them to group. You will probably notice that most the girls are getting clothes too. I admit that is because it makes me feel good to buy girl clothes. I find it fun. I like to imagine the little girls wearing them.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought.

A ride on toy. This is the same toy that if my memory serves me right that both of my sons had. I could be wrong and it was just one of them. Well, anyways, this toy is for a boy of just a little over one years of age. He can walk but it's that cute baby style walking like a duck type of deal. He plays really well and doesn't cry much. When I seen this toy it brought back sweet memories of both of my sons. That's why I think they both had it. He can walk behind it or ride on it. The seat doubles as a door for his toys and it makes sounds to annoy his Mommy. When I seen this toy, I just had to get it for him.

On the third day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

My friend gave me a really nice diaper bag to donate and it gave me the idea to fill it fill of baby goods if I had enough money to spare from what was raised. I won't probably get a picture up of it because my camera died and I want to deliver this stuff tomorrow. So, please for this one gift settle for the description of it.

I gave the guy who runs the MELD group to a card asking him to pass the diaper bag on to a new Mom and it should go to one having a boy.

Inside the diaper bag is

20 diapers (came from my diapers that we bought for my dolls) don't laugh.
Matching onsie and sleeper in boy colors.
pack of two binkies.
2 new receiving blankets
one thicker blanket
baby wipes
baby soap
teething rattle
nasal Aspirator and meds dropper

So, this now will be the 13 days of Christmas because this is a gift to a new Mom for her new baby. I again want to thank all those that helped me with the donations. I also gave the new Mom a Christmas card giving her a brief history on why I put the diaper bag together for her.

It is my hope that I can do things like the diaper bag again. I don't mean by asking for donations but just here and there buying items and a couple times a year put together a bag for a new Mom.

On the second day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought

A memory game for a boy who is about five years old. I remember good times playing this game with my sons. He has only been coming for this last 10 week period. I imagine he be starting school soon and I think this will be good practice for sitting down and working on something other than hyper boy energy.

William came over and we decorated our tree. It looks so pretty. However, the bunnies chewed up some of my ornaments and totally killed my angel. So, we bought some more ornament but not another angel. :(
Then, we put a tree up and decorated it in Williams room. It looks good too. I had a good time doing Christmas stuff. The kids and I wrapped all the MELD gifts for the kids. I will post pictures of the the gifts. I plan on dropping them off on Tuesday.
Well, got to get ready to go to church for the Christmas service.

I finished my Christmas shopping besides two more things that I hope to get Tyler. I am all done with my shopping for MELD. I had a blast shopping for the little kids. It's feels great that I was able to get the donations. I couldn't have done it without help. It might be a couple days before I post pictures because Tyler is at his Dad's and wants to help. I figure I should encourage his excitement over giving to others.
I was at work and my client was being her weird self. She just keeps going on and on about stuff, but it's because of her memory. Well, anyways, she is looking for a tool to tune her Harp and I am helping. I reach into the pocket and pull out 3 twenty dollar bills. I was shocked and gave her the money. I reached in again and pulled out a fifty. Do you know easy it would have been to keep the money? But that would have been stealing from an old lady and I am just not that type of person. Plus, I strongly believe in Karma and it would have stuck me twice as hard.
Well, I should get my blanket and get comfy and sleep soon.

On the first day of Christmas Santa's helper brought..

The first girl to steal my heart at MELD was this sweet little girl about 1 1/2 years of age. She is two now. She was the first girl from MELD that I got to hold and cuddle and care for. She is a gentle girl. Likes to be held and comforted and I never mind doing that. I haven't touched the money that was donated yet. I personally wanted to use my money to buy for this special girl.
I will post each child's gift just like this. All of it's own because while she is my favorite they all are getting a gift because of the help given from Santa's helpers. excuse the dates on the camera. I don't how to fix it.

Hey all... How is everyone? I am good. Today, my friend Rachel stopped by for a little while and we hung out. Amiah was fun as ever. I let her play with one of my dolls and I don't let just anyone play with them. It was cute. She had her hand on his head and the other on his hand. It looked sweet until she went to bite him. lol

Tonight, Tyler and I made a pencil holder for one of his friends. We used a can of corn. It came out pretty nice. The school is doing a Christmas party and the kids are suppose to dress up for it.They said no jeans. We don't agree with that because basically they are telling us to buy clothes because we don't have any dress clothes for him.

I went to the YMCA tonight. I am kind of mad at them. I talked to someone about maybe buying someone a gift membership for a month and basically making the person giving the gift pay 1/2 of the joiner fee. It's makes it to be too much money and how do we know that the person receiving the gift could or would continue to have an membership. It seems like offering the month gift membership would be enough. It would probably be almost giving away free money. Because if the person isn't in a routine of going to the gym they might not use it as much as someone who has taken months to get my routine down. First, they take away my hot tub and just build a wall to tease me with and then they be jerks about the gift membership.

I have done some of my Christmas shopping. We haven't put up a tree yet. I might work on at least getting it set up tomorrow. Then, try to find time to get William over to decorate it.

My Mom donated 20 towards MELD. So, I will be matching it. That brings my total to spend for the children to 145.00. I plan on getting the gifts to them by Tuesday at the latest. I haven't started yet. Check back in a week or so for pictures of the gifts. I wish I could share of the children but not allowed to take pictures of them. I have a few favorites! Girls!!!!

My official list of children to spend the 100 dollars on for Christmas gifts is 12. That is a lot of children. I never see 12 children. I really wanted to buy for the ones that I really see each week. But I will be shopping for 12. I really wanted to be able to shop at Kmart, walmart or target. I didn't want to go buy cheap toys that will break. I think sometimes people think well they would rather have a cheap toy than none at all. I agree but I wouldn't shop at a cheap dollar general for my sons and I wanted to search out the same quality of toys that I would have done for my sons when they were little.

Right now, I am at work. I have been awake since 9 am and it will be about 9 am before I can go to sleep. Then, I have to be up for Tyler. He has to do his homework and then get ready for MELD"S Christmas party. Santa will be there and maybe I will get my picture taken with him. haha. Tad and Tyler is coming with me. I am not sure if I will go get Will or not. It's at 5 30 and we will already be running short on time. I am excited to show off the little kids to Tad. He has never been there.

Ann is still on her diet. It's going well. She hasn't chewed her leg off yet. The dishes are much harder to clean now. That's the worst part of her being on a diet. But I don't want to carry her around because she can't walk.

Well, I better clean up any messes and walk her dog. Almost time to drive home and take William to school. I am so glad that 3rd shift is going to be a thing of the past for me soon.

I have been invited to the Meld Christmas Party and I am making my husband come with me as my date! I am bringing Tyler too. He really likes to help with the kids. Well, mostly he likes to play with toys! I keep telling him that I am going to buy him baby toys for Christmas and he says noooo! Santa is going to be there and maybe I will get my picture taken with him. I want presents too! I am going to start my Christmas shopping next week.
I am so excited! Tad has been putting the lights up and this weekend we will get our tree up. Well, I am going to try to sleep for a couple more hours and then go to the Y and get some form of a workout in. I haven't been to into swimming lately. The water seems so cold. I am sure it's the same but in the winter I spend enough time being cold. I should keep swimming though. I know it's good exercise.

Sometimes you just have to dance

I have been watching Amiah for four weeks now. I can't express the right words and how much fun I am having. She is a doll. She hardly ever cries. Today, she was holding her bottle on her own. I of course was holding her. She is beautiful.

We took our first trip out of the house. We went to Walmart. We kind of were on a mission for Christmas! She isn't telling my secret though. We were walking around and all of a sudden an upbeat Christmas song came on and we just had to dance. Yep, we danced in Walmart. So, we might be in the crazy walmart pictures but sometimes you just have to dance.

I am really happy for this Christmas. I have a great family. Between Tad and I we have five kids and I love them in my own ways. Reuniting with Ashley has been a life changing moment. She is beautiful. Having Amiah to call as my granddaughter even though I am only 34 is awesome. I know I am the third Grandma but coming from a girl who didn't have any living Grandma's I don't think that it's a bad thing. A girl can't have too many people in her life who love her.

I can't wait to get our tree up. Also, some lights outside. It's going to be a great Christmas. Love you all.

MELD

Tonight, was my final night of volunteering for Meld. Well, at least for this ten week session. I am signed up again. I really love it. Tyler told me that it would be nice if they paid me 3.00 to do it. Isn't he so young still? That 3.00 is a good amount to have in your pocket. I don't want to get paid for it.
However, I wish there were more people to help me take care of the children. The average amount of kids is six to seven this past session. They range in between 4 months to 5 years of age.
I really enjoy the younger ones. The best child was the one that can't talk yet. At one point, I have the 4 month in my arms. A crying girl sitting between my legs and a little boy hanging on my arm. The other three children were acting all crazy and wild. I really like going and all, but I wish I could do more hands on play. It's hard to give that attention to them because with only two of us that means three children per person. It's not that they are being mistreated or anything. All the children who wear diapers get changed and everyone gets attention. It's just not as much as I would like to do.

I was told that next week was a Christmas party. It sounded like I am invited. I got a list of the six kids that were there tonight but it changes from time to time. So, I will probably try to buy a few extra gifts just in case. I have to call and get more details. I don't know if it's a party for all the Meld kids. I wouldn't want to bring presents for them and the other children from other nights don't get anything. Either way, if I am invited. I am going and taking Tyler with me. He likes to go to "help" play with toys. haha. He does try to boss the wild children around. He gets this mood going that I am bigger than you. It's so cute.

I have to get ready to go to the church and babysit the kids while their Mom's and Dad's are in church. Lately, it's only been one or two kids there. It's so easy compared to watching the Meld kids because there has been 6 to 7 kids and that it a bit much for two people. So, sometimes, I have to call the driver to come back and help. It's his job to do that if we need him. I have been having two to three babies under the age of six months and it's hard.
I have raised 105 dollars and this week, I am going to request the money from paypal and start my shopping for the children. My biggest issue is that sometimes the kids change from week to week. So, not sure if I should just label the presents according to the age and boy or girl. Then, let Meld hand out the gifts.
I am using half the money for gifts and the other half on baby items. I don't know if I will go with a bunch of small items or get something big. I suppose either way it helps someone, right?
If anyone wants to still donate it's kind of the last call for Christmas. No pressure though. I am satisfied with the amount that was raised through blogging. But I do love to shop for baby items.

second chances

I believe in second chances in life. I really do. Not everyone in life is lucky to get a second chance, but I am. I have to be the luckiest girl in the world.

My doggy is on a diet. She is getting too big. Tad likes to feed her way too much. So, now it's only dog food and we are sticking to it. I can't just allow her to get too big and have trouble. She is really the best dog. We bought her a crate for crate training and she is the best potty trained dog.
Lately, though we haven't been locking her in there at night but she likes to sleep in there. Last night, my husband had already went to bed and she went in her crate but when I came in there. I had to tell her good night. Then, she came to my side of the bed to tell me nite. She is so sweet. I like that we don't need to lock her up because if any bad guys decide to break in then she can have a snack. lol Enjoy a picture or two of my beautiful dog.

The picture with the leash hanging down is us sitting in the grass on a hot day and I don't have to hold the leash. But on that day, she made me forget my cell phone in the grass and I had to go back and get it. She can't be too perfect.

I am at work for the first time in a week. I worked last sunday night from 10 pm to 7 am. So, I have seven hours for then and I get fourteen paid to me because the client canceled their service. If they had planned the time away from home then I wouldn't had gotten paid, but since they didn't plan it I get paid. So, that was pretty cool. I did get a little tired of being at home.

On Friday, I met my sister at the YMCA and we walked around. Family got in free so it was cool. I really needed to get out and get some exercise in. Then, Friday, I was already on my way to work when they called and I went shopping and killed time until my friend could meet me to get something to eat.

We decided to put my dog Ann on a diet. We have been feeding her too much. She was just looking too fat. I really am concerned for her heath. I know labs are more likely to have problems with their hips and legs if they are too big. So, no more people food and we are making sure she isn't getting extra. It's kind of hard to be so mean but it's for her own good. Also, my good because she is my little girl and I need her to be around for a really long time. She is the best dog. She sleeps in a dog kennel but we don't really need to lock it. I am really crazy about her. I will never forgot when Tad suggested we get a lab. I jumped at the chance to get a lab. Then, he later admitted that he wasn't serious and wasn't too thrilled with her at first. But now he says that if we have to have a big dog then she is the best one to have.

I love you Ann. Don't eat one of our little dogs! hahahaha

Before, I found Ashley, I started making her a scrapbook with the hopes of giving it to her. I am interested in getting pictures of family that I don't have yet. I been hounding my Dad to get pictures of his Mom and even though he is where the pictures are they just can't go through them. It really bugs me. I have never seen any pictures of either of my grandmother's. If I have, I have forgotten. My Dad basically admitted that he wouldn't able to tell if the pictures were of his Mom or of her mother. So, basically, they have both! That's what I understand.
The only grandparent that I have in the book is my Dad's Dad. I guess that's the most important one because he is the only grand parent that I really knew. But the other three are important too. Shouldn't not include them because of death or mental illness.

I checked my email today to find that someone donated 75.00 dollars to MELD. For anyone that doesn't know that MELD offers support to young Mother's and their children. Also, to young fathers, but sadly the services for them are limited.

I had already collected 30 from blogging and was impressed with that. To get a donation of 75.00 from one person just blew me away. It makes me feel good to know that there is caring people out there.

On Sunday, I picked William up for some pizza and cupcakes for his birthday. It was his 16TH birthday!!! We had a good time hanging out and Amiah was full of smiles as always. I gave William some movie money and we are going to see parnormal tonight. I thought maybe it would be a treat since the movies are priced out of this world. I don't think we will get popcorn, because the last time it tasted different and they said it's probably because of the change in the cooking oil. I know they are using healthier stuff but give me the greesy stuff. lol
So, movie tonight and then next week, I am taking Will to dinner with a couple of his friends. It kind of makes him get three special days for one birthday. I guess that's a good thing.

I can't believe Christmas is one month away. We are gonna have to get a tree up soon. Start playing some Christmas music and do some Christmas shopping.

Happy Birthday 16TH Birthday William. I love you. Where did the time go?

Wednesday Tyler spent about two hours doing homework. On Thursday, I went to the school to have cream of turkey with him. I like to have lunch with him a few times a year. Sometimes, I bring McDonald's. Well, anyways, Tyler was given a break for detention, because I was coming for lunch.

How much homework is too much? He spends six hours at school and two hours of homework isn't all of it. He had forgot to do his social studies. When he suppose to be a kid and have a little fun?

I think sometimes teachers should just have no homework days. Especially when it's nice out and the kids could go play. Winter is coming and it won't be a lot of of going outside. It just frustrates me that school work takes up so much of our time in the afternoon and evening.

I was on FB the other day and I was being silly and was going to list Ann as my kid. lol But it wouldn't let me add her picture unless she was on FB. So, silly me actually thought of making a FB page for her. Would you be friends with my dog? hahahahahaha She has lots to say like woof woof and aarrf aarrf.

pretty girl

Today, was the start of watching Amiah while her Mommy and Dadding bring home the bacon. It was mostly on Tad, but I helped and played with her quite a bit. She will be spending three days a week with us. I really had a good time. She is so adorable. All babies are adorable but she is more so. Maybe, I am biased because she is family.
I am excited to get this time with her. I want to take her shopping and buy her a pretty dress. I probably won't do that this week. I figure we will use this week to understand her routine and then probably go shopping. I also want to try to get Amiah a high chair for our house. It make feeding her baby food a little easier.
Well, I am working. Tomorrow is for sleeping. I hate third shift. Okay, I don't hate it because I can watch tv and play on the computer but it makes me sleepy.

Did anyone notice that Tad started a blog. He did it mostly to hog his name, but bug him to write in it.

I am going to tell a secret tomorrow morning. Check back but don't wait too long because I might not share it for long.

babies oh my

On Monday, I volunteer for Meld. It's my way of keeping Mommies with their babies. My way of putting my money where my mouth is. It makes me feel happy to help out. I love the little babies and the toddlers.
This week, I had two newborn boys. They were about the same age and both kind of happy, but then fuss here and there. They didn't want to sleep. It was okay with me because what fun would sleeping babies be?
So, I sat by their car seats so I could juggle both babies. I don't mean juggle as in throw in the air. I just needed to be able to set one down safely and take turns playing and taking care of them. One baby, pooped himself twice and the other baby I changed so his Mommy would have a dry baby when she came back. I knew I mixed up the babies blankets but I didn't know that I put the wrong pants on the babies. I thought it was funny and luckily the Mom's didn't think much of it. I helped redress them. I got to give Tad and his first wife tons of credit for taking care of twins!!! It must not been easy but then what did they know? They came that way. haha.
Well, anyways, it was fun to play with the little babies.

I didn't have to work today. They called and canceled my shift. I didn't ask why but I am guessing that the man died. I know it's selfish of me but I didn't want to go. I don't think I have enough experience with the final stages of care, because most of my work has just been cooking, cleaning, and hanging out. Also, I just have a fear of someone passing away while I am there. It creates a lot of anxiety in me and also I think how sad it would be for a person to die while a caregiver (stranger) holds their hand. I am just too much of an emotional person to just carry on with my day and go back to work the next day. It's not like my company would pay me to stay home because it's all about the bottom line. I don't personally blame them. Isn't that what most companies do? Money first, then people. If you just look at how long people go to jail for hurting people compared to robbing a bank. It's true.

I am always off on Tuesday and Wedesday but on Tuesday, I have availabilty to work if they call me. I can choose to block my availability but I figure with William's birthday and Christmas around the corner, I better leave it open and see what happens.

Well, work called only after I was home from working 3rd shift all night. So, glad that I didn't hear it. I have to work 4 to 9 with this man who is living out his last days. I just hate working with hospice patients. Don't die while I am working. That is my number one rule. Also, it just makes me sad.

Happy Candy Day!

I took this random picture because my camera was acting funny and I was just shooting and I got this awesome picture.

I can't believe it's the end of October. Where did the time go? I have some news but not gonna share it yet. It's big! Well, I might share it if you think you know me well enough to ask me. hehehe.

Yesterday, Tad and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been three years already. I can't help but me amazed at Tad's and mine struggles in this marriage. It was rough going for a while. I didn't fully understand the depth of his drinking problem and he didn't fully understand the depth of my loss over my daughter being placed for adoption. I just didn't move on. I was sad. I was sad a lot. He was drinking a lot. It wasn't a good combination.

He has been sober for a year and half and I am so proud of him. He doesn't make any promises but says he has zero desire to drink. If he knew the cure, he would probably sell it to you. I have been in contact with Ashley for a year now. It's wonderful. I have pictures of her in my house. I went through a lot of counseling to be able to cope better. The contact in the middle of that really helped a lot. It's so amazing to see how great of a girl she is. Also, a very beautiful and smart girl.

So, our anniversary means a lot to me. It's not just a number or a date. It's the time that I married my husband. I am so glad that I did and I am glad that we have found happiness with each other again. It's a bad feeling when your home life is really depressing. I have never felt so loved that I do with Tad. He has always been good with Tyler. He has been really trying to get along with Will and we all know that getting along with a teenager takes patience. He tells me that I am beautiful and is always there for me.

He accepts how I am silly and like to collect dolls and dress them. I have a total of six now. Three girls and three boys. The brady bunch. lol Saturday, we were by ourselves and out and about and we stopped so I could pay on my doll. After, I gave a twenty, he asked how much was left and paid the balance. Then, he was making fun of me of how I quickly had to lock the door of the van. The doll thieves are out there, ya know?

It was also Jen and Gary's birthday and I hope they had a great day. Today, is my brothers birthday. I should call him later. I should be sleeping but can't. Tad thinks it's all in my head. I just want to sleep so bad and I can't. So, basically, every week, I loss out on a nights worth of sleep. I don't need a lot of physical energy on Sunday night because my client is sleeping but I have to stay awake. I watched two movies and was really uncomfortable because the house was hot and stuffy. Well, anyways, I have went on and on and that's enough for now.

Rec Night

Tonight, Tyler has Rec night at his school. He is going as a prisoner. I wish I could go but I have to work. So, Tad, Jen and Amiah will be going with him. I hope Tad takes some pictures so I can at least see them. It's Tyler's last year in grade school. :( Where did the years go? I have been to quite a few school events. I try not to miss them but sometimes I just can't afford not to work. I don't have a company that even tries to help you get hours in other times in the week. Typically, I am off Mon through Wed. but none of the events seem to fall on those days. Well, gonna sleep a little more. I don't get 8 hours in a row but I take what I can get.

3rd shift

I exchanged one of my second shifts for 3rd shift about a month ago. I go from 10 pm to 7 am. I don't have too much interacting with my client so basically I am watching tv, watching a movie, reading and trying to stay awake.
Since, I am working the Sunday overnight that gives me one extra day to be home in the evening. Plus, if I wanna I can go to church on Wed. night. My only problem and I am not sure if it's from working third shift is that I haven't been feeling well. In this month, I was sick with stomach pains, and backache which I can't get to go away. I am pretty uncomfortable. I can't walk long, sit long. I can lay around but then I feel so bored.
I don't know if I am having problems because I am not getting enough sleep. Sunday, I woke up at 9 am and then around 3pm I slept for an hour and then I went to work. I had to drive Will to school and then I got home and slept from 9 am to 11 30 am. My friend Rachel called me. I could have slept till 2 pm but I probably would of woke up on my own. I am not much of a day sleeper. I can sleep a couple hours and if I get woke up or wake up, I am up. I hope this back ache goes away soon. I am really uncomfortable. I might try swimming tomorrow and sitting in the sauna at the Y.

I am about to leave for babysitting. I almost wish I never agreed to do this on Sunday Mornings. It's kind of a pain to have to wake up to go work an hour and half and lately the kids haven't been coming. So, I am not even hanging out with any kids. I can't really quit because I am depending on that money for the furniture payment.

Next week, will make one year since I first wrote Ashley on Facebook. It wasn't an easy decision because besides the fear of rejection, I knew sending the message would affect more than just me. I am so glad that I did. It's hard to believe it's been almost a year.

I have collected a total of 30 dollars for Meld. I am going to give them a check around Mid December plus I am going to give them some baby clothes that I have bought at the good will. It makes me so happy that people care enough to give to this organization. I love volunteering for Meld. It's so fun playing with the kids and knowing that I a part of something so good.

The more that I go volunteer for Meld, the more that I just fall in love with this program. With the Mom's, with the kids and just the idea behind it. Don't get freaked out. Maybe falling in love in a funny way. It's my passion. I don't think that young parent has to mean adoption. Or young parent has to mean that they are bad parents. Meld is providing so much help to these Mom's. It's the help that they're family couldn't or wouldn't give.
Tonight, I have a heavy heart. One of the Mom's was found dead with a man in a van. We are not sure if it's a Mom from the Monday night group but one of the Mom's was a no show and there was a lot of people outside her house. If it's the Mom that I am thinking. She had two son. Both of the children are black and one has beautiful blue eyes. I just keep seeing his blue eyes appear into my mind and when I think how he will cry for Mom and Mom won't come. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. Both these babies are young enough to never have any memories of Mom. Why do people do these things? I am just too soft of a person. I am crying over a girl that I didn't know. I maybe seen her a few times. Like, I said, it might not be one that I met. But it's the same. When I think that this girl is someone's Mom, daughter, sister or friend and poof she is dead. It's not in the news yet. Sometimes, I think people don't care because it's just a black girl. Black, white, mexican, or purple. I don't care. It's a life of a young women and a man. When I think how it could be my sons and daughters who's life could be snuffed out. It makes me sick. I know I didn't raise Ashley but it wouldn't change my horror if something happened to her. Or the horrors of how drastic life would change if someone snuffed out Will's or Tyler's life or Jen or Gary or Amiah. I hope whoever did it gets what they deserve.

About a month ago, we got new furniture. We got it at Home choice. It's a little expensive because it's on a loan but we only had a broken down couch and it made it really hard to have family time. Also our living is pretty big and it just looked unused.
Yesterday, I babysat at the church for the 5th week and I got my check for the five weeks. It was 125 and was pretty much the exact amount I needed to make the payment. I felt so cool to make the payment and not feel as if I had to make cuts anywhere else. It's only about 10 hours of my time and since I do like hanging with little kids it's so easy. I always have a volunteer with me. So, it's been about an average of three kids for two people. It's not the same warm fuzzy feeling that I get from Meld. Or the same fun that I had playing with Amiah last night. She is growing so much. She isn't holding her bottle yet and I think it's so cute. So, Mommy and Daddy still have to hold it for her. Priceless.
Well, besides the furniture, my husband has helped me the other area of the living room where my babies hang out. Dolls! lol I am not really crazy. When you see them in the car seat, then you can take me to the nut house!! lol Well, here are some pictures. It's not the best shots because my camera is cheap.

Sick

I was really sick yesterday. I missed work. I did make it to the doll shop and put a new doll on layaway. When I get him paid off, I will have six dolls. 3 boys 3 girls, Can you say The Brady Bunch? lol This one only costed me about 75.00. I have learned not to pay 200 like I did for one doll. She always reduces the price. I slept a lot yesterday. I feel a lot better. I don't feel 100% though.

Meld

I just started my 3rd ten week session of Meld. It's something that I really enjoy very much. They offer so much support and direction in young Mom's and their babies lives. My life was touched really badly by an adoption that I didn't want to happen. I didn't have the support of my family to help me make it. It's the past but it still affects me.
I have been in contact with my daughter but it's not what I wish for. I have to allow her to set the pace and may I say that she is a turtle. It's okay though.
Volunteering for Meld has given me a sense of peace. It makes me feel like I can be a part of something good. I can offer support to young Mom's and their babies. I can't change what happened to me but I can offer something for the young Mom's of today.
I am trying to raise money for Meld. I have a target date of mid December. I plan on donating five a week. It's not much but it will add up. I already have collected 15.00 from people who read my blogs.
So, if it's in your heart to make me happy. :) and your can spare a few dollars then click on the button to donate for Meld. I will also accept baby clothes, diapers, formula, bottles, and basically anything off of the list that Meld has provided on their site. You read more here.

Today, was a pretty good day. I went to babysit at the church. That is going okay. I am adjusting to the routine of it. It's mostly the same kids but it has changed some. I still don't know the entire what to expect thing. At first there was gold fish crackers and now there isn't. The volunteer brought some fruit and a book. I wonder if I should be bringing food or a plan. I have not been hired to teach them. It's not that I can't teach but I would rather do it through play.
Then, we went to get a ride of the forest city queen on the rock river. I took some cool pictures. Then, we went to the apple orchard and more pictures. I am becoming a person who just loves pictures and even being the person getting a picture taken.
I am working 3rd shift tonight, but tomorrow I will try to post some pictures of our day.

Sometimes you have to be mean

Yesterday, Tyler came home from school and asked for some ice cream and I let him. He starts dishing it out and had a perfect amount and asks if he can just take the rest. I said, no you have enough. So, he took about another scoop anyways and I let him get away with it. Then, after eating some of it. He wanted to put chocolate syrup on it and I said no. See, he stalls for time, because he is suppose to do homework. Even though, I said no. Right in front of me he puts some on there anyways. So, without even thinking, I grabbed his bowl and dumped is ice cream in the sink. I can up with Tyler being forgetful of stuff but to ignore me. I have had enough. So, yesterday, I was a mean Mommy!

It's Ashley's birthday!!! She is 19 years old. Her birthday is a constant reminder because of the 9/11 attacks. It stole her birthday, but I think it's time I stole it back. She was born first. It's just kind of hard. Every time, I turn around 9/11 is being mentioned in books or news. I suppose people who spend their children's birthdays with them wouldn't get how the constant reminders make me sad.
Well, anyways, this year was different. I have had contact with her and I was able to send her presents!!!! So, even though, your not reading this Ashley. Happy Birthday Ashley!!!!!!!! I know your going to go get your tongue pieced and if you were living with me at 19 years old, I would beg for you not to do it, but that's not our life.

Tyler's teacher is ticking me off. I want to reach out and touch her. She is being a pain and complaining Tj hasn't done this or that. I want to scream we are doing the best we can with his 5th grade body and his education level of maybe second grade. Or if we are lucky third grade. What do they want from us? For me to do his work? It wouldn't help Tyler any if we did. Why can't they understand that in order to learn 5th grade material you need the education of that 5th grader? I am not super smart. but I am not dumb. I finished high school. I went to college for a year. I am a good writer. My husband even says so. But guess what guys? I am going to start medical school and be your doctor. It doesn't matter that I haven't had four years of college or premed school and I totally don't get science and I really don't care but I am going to be your doc. I will start my practice on the teachers kids! hahaha I wouldn't think they would want me to use their kids as a guinea pig and miss something important and they kid die of a simple thing. Well, quit using my kid as a guinea pig. Teach him. Damn it. They are making me mad. He is slipping through the cracks and they just don't care. They only have to put up with him for a year. Just pass him on. It doesn't matter that he isn't at that grade level. It doesn't matter that when he gets to high school and can't pass because all of sudden he needs credit. Nope. Not their problem. I wish his damn teacher wouldn't talk/write to me as she knows my child. She hasn't even had him five days in a row yet. When she is helping with his day to day tasks that we still have to work on. Then, she should talk to us in a bitchy manner. When she is dealing with his obsession over how he just has to have a belt or whatever else his one track mind is on then talk to us that way. When she is up with him because he wakes up during the night and isn't aware of his actions. Then, talk to me. We have to keep his door shut, because God forbid he go play in the night. So, teacher, shut up. You don't know my kid or know me. Now, quit writing your bitchy notes and teach my kid.

Labor Day!

It's Labor Day! I am not working because I am always off on Monday. I do wonder why do we need a day to celebrate working. It's not as if most people work because they want to do a good thing. We work because we need money. lol Most of the people who have really rewarding jobs like dr's and stuff can't take the day off anyways.

It's almost midnight and that means that one week from today Ashley will turn 19 years old. She is the best girl. There isn't any girls that could compare to her. I am taking her birthday back. Enough with the 9/11 attacks. It's September 11 and that is my final word.

2nd job

I arrived right on time at the church. I thought it would be more like an interview. It was more like here are the kids and hang out with them. It was all boys! Rotten boys! lol It was good though. If I knew I was staying longer, I would have brought my soda.
After watching the kids, they talked to me and plan on paying once a month. It works for me because I don't really need 25 a week. I actually would do it for free but I already do that so I am not going to offer. I am really excited!!
I don't know if my Mom is reading this much, but when I went to a garage sale and seen this Betty Boop out fit I had to buy it. Here is a picture of the pretty baby.

This week both kids went back to school. Will is in the 10Th grade but didn't get enough credits. Shhh you didn't hear that from me. I personally think it's the school's fault because when they fail to get passing grades in middle school they just pass them on. I don't know what the answer is though. Maybe make the kids clean toliets for every failing grade. haha
Tyler has entered the 5Th grade and says he is grown now. Oh my. My baby thinks he is grown. I hope he doesn't start having wild parties.
I got books from the library and one had a book mark about Mothers and the other book had someones ultrasound pictures in it. I almost thought about giving them to Tad and saying your gonna be a Daddy again. That would have been so funny. I should have done it. Well, anyways, I found the girl on Facebook and I am going to send her them as soon as she sends me the kid. hahaahahahahahaha I am cracking me up. Just kidding. I am going to get them off to her tomorrow.
Sunday, I am meeting with someone through the church about a paid babysitting job. It's only 2 hours and it's 25 a week. I would have an helper and they would be the volunteer. I am excited. I am hoping that I am not getting over my head. I won't give up volunteering for Meld. I almost bought a baby bed for 20 bucks but I didn't have it on me. I did buy a couple outfits for my dolls. I need to sort through some of them and give them away. Well, it's getting late and 6 30 am comes early.

I got a call from the lady who is trying to find someone work in the church's daycare. I am suppose to send off some references and then meet with them on Sunday. It's only 25 dollars. I want to do it but I am also thinking do I want to get up early every Sunday to do it. I am off on Sundays and Mondays and if I do it then on both of my days off I will go babysit little kids. One day for 25 and one day for free. If I do it.. I like to think of it as play money.

I need to go into my work and change the hours that I am available to work. Right now, I have been dropping Tyler off at his StepDaddies work and that works for just a day or two but four days a week for about two hours is a little bit too much. I am only going to change it from 3 to 4 but I am afraid that they will take it as me not wanting to work. Or it could result in a new client. I like my client. It's not as if she doesn't have issues.. Hello.. that's why I am working but have you ever seen the show let's make a deal? Well, this client is behind door number 1 and I know what to expect but another client, behind door 2 could be much worse. I can't go into details about my clients but there are many differnt needs and I like that this client doesn't need help in some areas.

I am officially not on unemployment anymore. I really enjoyed the time off but I was so broke. Then, the unemployment kicked in and it was nice. I do like my client so that makes it easier. I like the fact that their isn't a spouse to overlook my every move. Sometimes, husbands and wives mean well but they want you to take care of their every need even if they don't need it. I like that I feel that I can honestly do my job and let her do the things that she can do. For example.. she is starting to help me in the kitchen after dinner. When it comes to money.. it's better that I don't allow her to do anything. I could let her brain rot and I keep making more money. However, if I want to sleep at night.. I have to take care of them and if that means that they get well again. Then, so be it. I am glad that I know that I can fall back on unemployment.
Today, at the Y I found a flyer for a church that needs a day care provider for one and half hours. I took the flyer and called and left a message. They pay 25 a week and it's only for the one and half hours on Sunday. I do it for free on Monday nights.After being around old people for so long.. I am starting to really like hanging around kids.. So maybe I have a new calling.. lol I better not quit my day job lol

Tomorrow, I am taking Tyler to Magic Waters. He has a free ticket that he got from reading in the reading program. We had to push him but he did it. We should have some fun. Magic Waters is a treat for us because it's not something that I really make a effort to go to. I wish Will was coming but he didn't get a ticket. One year, I did take him anyways and I know that it doesn't teach him. I wish I didn't have to have guilt over it, because I know I am doing the right thing. Plus, I know he has already been there this summer.
Working full time hasn't been easy. I didn't work five days a week to start with. Now, I am though. I have to change my hours some, because it just doesn't feel right to leave as soon as Tyler gets home all week. I am going to try to work at least one third shift.. that way, I am home another evening.

Swimming

I thought since my biggest enjoyment out of summer has been swimming that I would take a few pictures. I still want an hot tub but Tad is right when he says that we can't spend that kind of money when he needs a car. However, he did find a blow up hot tub at Walmart for 500 that I might get. I will have to save money up, but it's something.

Home improvement, teeth brushing, and kisses

I pay for this wonderful home warranty that has saved us a few times. The biggest things was the furnace and the AC. It's something that I suggest any home owner to get. However, it doesn't fix everything. I have been dealing with a broken kitchen facet for quite a while. Sometimes the handle would come off but it didn't leak. Then, it started to leak from the handle and it wasn't covered in the warranty. It didn't seem to bug Tad much but it drove me crazy because if we didn't empty the thing under the sink, it would leak.
Well, anyways, Tad fixed up my friend's computer and she suggested that her husband could fix our sink. He looked at it and said it would be best just to get a new facet. Then, it took me a week or so to afford to buy one. Also, I was having a hard time deciding on which one to get. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. How could I choose just one. I wanted to take a little bit from this one and a little bit from that. I just love home improvement projects. I just love my house.
It was tooth brushing time here and every time Tad helps Tyler brushes his teeth. He comes in here and gives me a earth shattering kiss. mmmmm good. He dared me to blog it. So, I did it.

Will is here until Thursday!!! I hope we can have some fun. I am thinking lots of swimming. I love the water!!!!!! Will says Yay!!!!!!Today, in my last day of work for this week. Then, I only work four days next week because Tyler has a dentist appointment. Then, he has another one in Sept. I got a cool idea. Take a lot of time off for Tyler to go to the dentist. hehe..
My client and their family made me work for my money. It's better though. I don't want to be the couch sitter.

Hey people!!! I haven't been posting too much on here. I survived my first week back at work. Next week, I have 34 hours. So, we will see if that continues or not. I am suppose to talk about my clients but I will say that I do like her and I feel like I am needed and not a high priced couch sitter. haha.
Saturday, Tad, Gary, Tyler, Amiah and myself all went to the air show. It was pretty cool. It got started late though. I could have watched for a little longer but I had to work and Gary had to get Chad from work. Work has to be getting in the way of fun. lol
Well, I took some pictures with my camera. Hope you enjoy them.

I have to work. On top of that. I have 28 hours for the week. I know it's a good thing. It really is good, because I do have too much time on my hands, but it's summer and I was having a really good time. I worked 9 hours last week and suppose to be 28 this week. We will see. It could always change, because ya know old people come and go. I don't know what the next few weeks will play out for hours. I wouldn't surprised if it went back down to zero. But who knows. All I know is that I get tired of meeting new old people. It's so close to starting a new job. New old people with different problems and different ways of dealing with them. Well, at least it's a old lady. I prefer them.
I am down 26 lbs now. I think not working actually helps me because taking care of some old people is a lot of sitting on my butt. And you wonder why I complain. lol How about the tv is too loud? Or old people pee themselves. No. Just kidding. Old people are really sweet. I just really miss my clients that I had for over two years. They took part of me with them. I miss them so badly.

When I was growing up, I would never be around my parents and caught saying ass, shit or fuck. Also, we didn't ask to say these words. It was just known that their was a time and a place and when Mom and Dad were around wasn't the time. Also, we didn't sit there and put in videos with fuck this and fuck that and you know what I mean. I know I grew up in a different time. No you tube and stuff.
My kids are so much more likely to say words that would have made me blush for days. lol and I suppose it's a good thing. You can't tell me didn't know how to talk to me.
Tonight, Will was showing me videos on the computer and you tube. I have zero patience letting things load. I can only take about a min of fuck this and fuck that around my kids. Am I wrong? I got mad and told him if he is going to sit there and listen to that crap to leave the room. A few minutes later I said that I was sorry but that I am not his friend. You can sit there and do that crap with your friends but I am your Mom. I personally think that him sitting around listening to that in front of me is close to the same as using that kind of language.

work

I got a call from work. I have to work 5 30 pm to 10 30 pm today and tomorrow. Then, next week, I have 28 hours with the same person. I know this should be good news, but I haven't worked in three weeks and then I am suppose to play the happy caregiver. lol The lady is 100 and as far as I know it's just her. That is good because husband's and wives degrade each other. It's hard to explain. But if one is the weaker one and needs help then the healthy one wants everything done for them. They want them treated like a baby.
I am happy that I am going to earn money but I feel like every time I go to a new client it's like learning a new job. All the stress for a few bucks. I don't wanna put on the comfort keeper tshirt. Ewww Did you know that I hate tshirts? I hate having material that close to my neck.

News

I have been sitting on some exciting news. I didn't share this earlier for my own reasons but now I think is a really good time to announce that life has been treating me good.
I am sure everyone is aware that I had a child young and wasn't able to raise her because of lack of support from my parents. Well, anyways that baby girl grew into a beautiful young lady. She is the cutest girl ever. I have been in contact via Internet since Oct 19Th. It's been great getting to know her and see that she is an happy well adjusted kid.
I feel really confident that someday when she is ready we will meet. I want to meet her NOW. But I know she needs more time and I can live with that. I can give that too her. I still cringe when people ask me how many kids that I have. Do I say two? Or three? Or hell. do I say five? lol A few times I have said between my husband and I we have five kids, but it doesn't feel right. So, mostly I just say two. Because I really don't want to get into my whole life story lol
Well.. anyways... now you know my big secret. I am beginning to feel whole again. I would show you a picture of my girl but out of respect for her. I won't share that with blog land. However, trust me. She is beautiful and I love her.

Today, I got my first full unemployment check. It's almost dollar per dollar of what I brought home working three days a week. If anything it's more.
Also, last week, I had a ten hour overnight shift and I got paid for that. It's the first paycheck that I have gotten from my job in a month.. It was for about 80.00. I feel like being a smart ass and jumping up and down and say... yea!!!! We can eat now. haha
Well, gonna go load the dishwasher. Someone has to do it.

Today, Tyler and I went to the Y. I walked a little and then we went swimming. Normally, I use the special needs locker room, because I hadn't yet had confidence in that he could go in the boys locker room all own his own. It hasn't been fun trying to take turns showing with a boy. So, when Will has been along, I have had him make him do more and more on his own. So, today, was the first day that I sent him on his own.
We had fun swimming and even went into the lap pool. I didn't think I could leave him alone, but since he is 7 and up and can swim. I am able to let him swim on his own. Then, I lied out in the sun for a few minutes. It wasn't too hot then though. I really enjoy being able to go swimming as much as we like. I really been taking full advantage of the pool since it reopened. I guess the closing, in a way, was a good thing. I still really miss the hot tub though. I wished I was able to find another gym with one, but the Y has so much for Tyler and it took a year to get him ready for hanging out on his own. It's not that I don't want to hang with him, but it's nice that at times I can get sometime on my own.
Tonight, we were suppose to go babysit for Meld, but the church was all locked up. All the Mom's and babies and Meld workers showed but we couldn't get in. I didn't feel like going right in so we went back to the Y. We walked around outside for a few and then went inside and goofed around on the wii. I am really enjoying the wii and we even bought another game. The video store is going out of business and has games on sale. I think I am so new to the wii that the cheap games for dorks are fun for me. So, far, I haven't paid more than ten dollars for a game.
Well, enough for now. I hope everyone had a great day. I didn't do much. I went to my friends Rachel's for a cookout. I "cried" most of the time, because my contacts made my eyes burn. She took me home to get my glasses and then I was fine. The three margritas didn't hurt any. hmmmmm good. Then, I spent the night with my boring husband. The kids were with their Dad so no real reason to see the fireworks.

Today, I didn't do some flea bombs in our house and left the cat in here. I didn't do it. She did it. She must have came back in. So, after spending over a hundred is the past week on frontline and bombs, I didn't kill the cat. She appears fine. I forgot to see if she has any fleas on her.

Today, was the three year mark of when we bought our house. It's an awesome feeling to own a piece of property that belongs to us. I would suggest home ownership to anyone who wants the stability of not moving around but don't let anyone tell you that it's cheaper than renting, because it is not.
Tonight was week two of ten weeks with Meld. I love babysitting the kids and I do it for free. The satisfaction that I get from helping the Mom's use this program was enough for me. This week, there was six kids. All but one was under two. The youngest was a boy who was only seven months old. So, there was three boys and three girls.. the brady bunch came to mind. lol I brought Tyler with me and he was really helpful. He actually held the biter girl for about ten minutes or so and read to her. I have never worked for a daycare and I have to give the workers so much credit. Taking care of one kid or two is so easy. However, taking care of six kids even with an helper is a lot of work. The brady bunch!!!

Tonight, I was feeling cooped up. I am not working and it gets to me. I want to get up and go. Tad suggested that I go swimming. So, I did. The best part of having a membership at the Ymca is that I pay it once a month and if I don't have money to do something it's always an option.

It's not odd for me to spend about two hours there. For six weeks the pool was closed and it really bugged me. I have discovered the lap pool. I really like the idea that I can really focus on swimming and not so afraid of drowning because at it's deepest it's only 5'9. I am hoping that it will help get my arms more in shape. Have you ever heard the expression... that you don't know what you have till it's gone? I think that's how it was with the pool. I used it once in a great while. I took it for granted. I have been in it more times this month than I probably have been in the whole six months of 2010. Not working kind of helps though. My work did call me and give me an 10 hour overnight on July 1St. So, oh boy, I can eat this week. hahaha.

Well, guys, it's late. Tomorrow, will be another day for the Ymca. Me and the water are having an affair.

Last night, I started volunteering for Meld again. There was a three week break and I admit that it was nice. There is a new volunteer working with me and so far, I think she is a little weird. She told a sob story about being pregnant at 30 and understanding where these girls are coming from. I don't think someone pregnant at 30 compares to the 14 to 21 crowd. I want to tell her to shut up. I had my three kids before I was 30 and while it's not her fault but still shut up. Then, she keeps talking about starting over. I said, what do you mean, starting over, your child is grown? She is talking about a grandson. Unless, you are raising your grandchild then you are not starting over. A new adventure, maybe? Hello.... the person is starting a new life is the parents of the baby.. There is no start overs. I will never be Ashley's Mom. Her friend, maybe.. but her Mom. No. So, shut up, lady.
I am all for grandparents wanting to visit and see their grandchildren, but they are your grandchildren. They are not your child. I know some grandparents who want to be overly involved. I am not talking about visiting here and there, but the ones who really try to step in and give way too much advice and allow their children to always drop their children off so they can do what they do. I know my ex mother n law did this with her daughter. She allowed her daughter to walk out on her children, because her children were her life and when they were grown they needed an replacement. So, lady, your not starting over. Quit, trying to compare yourself to young girls who are Mom's young.
Then, she acts like she didn't know what to do because the baby made a baby noise. What do I do? Um... play with him. That is a happy noise. Mom's know their kids best but I do know a happy noise when I hear one. Then, she asked about gloves.. she is afraid of getting hiv from the babies. Weird. I never thought that a little baby would infect me. Should I be worried. What a nut. It should be an interesting ten weeks.

Next week, we will celebrate three years in our home. I am still in love with my house. I still get excited when I think of home improvement projects. I wish I was more handy, because a lot of what I could do to change things is the labor. Right now, we need a new kitchen facet. It leaks and is a pain in the ass. I also need to lay a floor down in the living room. My goal would to be to get both of those done this summer. I think I can lay the floor, but plumbing. No way!
I have been unhappy with the upkeep of our back yard. I have never mowed and tonight, I gave it a try. It's not easy but since I am not working, I am going to make a good effort to fix it up. The idea that I own the land is part of the appeal. I did fall in some of the holes Ann dug but oh well. Sometimes, I wish that I didn't have a big dog to do that kind of stuff, but I love Ann. She is my favorite. I guess it's how Tigger was my favorite cat. I won't mention who my favorite child is.... hahahahaha I love them all.
I can't wait until I get my first check. It's not like I am starving or anything but I am used to my own money.

Hard day

I had a really hard day. First, I dropped Tj off at camp with money for hot dog, chips and a soda. Then, I went to the Y. I walked, rode a bike and then I went swimming in the lap pool for 30 mins. Then, It got really hard. I lied down in the sun and then I sat in the sauna.
When I was getting ready to leave Tj called, because of the upcoming storm.

Next Friday, I won't get paid. It's finally hitting home that I am without a job. I am officially still employed at Comfort Keepers but without a paycheck, it's not really a job. I went in there to change my availability around and I told them that I had five in my account and a house payment that is a month behind and zero hours. I said, "tell me what hours would get me hours and they couldn't say. I have a way with being an ass without being a total ass. I asked if I have done anything wrong and they said no, that they lost a lot of clients. It really ticks me off because if they don't give me hours and it's within my availability, I am considered on call without pay. Sometimes, I feel like they own me and they said no that the clients own us. Hello.. I am sitting without pay. And your here in this office with hours.
I am not the kind of person that just sits at home. Maybe once or twice a week, I can deal with not going anywhere but I like to get up and go. Now, I feel that I can't get up and go because I don't have money. It's not fair to have Tad giving me money so I can go have a good time. But what makes it hard is that emotionally, I am a lot better dealing with life if I don't just sit at home.
Tonight, I using some guest passes so my brother and sister can come swimming with me at the Ymca. After, tonight, I guess, I am going to have to be stuck. It always seems that I am broke around the summer time.
I have applied for unemployment and got a letter on when I call in. The amount I am going to get is gonna be about what I was making at my job. So, in the end, it should work out but getting there will suck. I don't call in for another week and then who knows how long it takes to get a check. This really sucks. In one way, I would be happy with getting hours again and working, but in another way, unemployment would be more reliable than my company.

It looks like I am unemployed. I am not fired or have i quit but I just don't have any hours. It hasn't really sunk in until Sunday past and that means that I won't have a paycheck on Friday. I hate depending on other people. At least most of my bills are in great shape though. It could be much worse.
I have been staying busy by going to the Ymca. I go to work out at least three times a week. Plus, the pool is open again and I love it even more so than before. I have even tried out the sauna and it's relaxing. It's not my hot tub, but it's still cool. Oops I mean hot.
My friend, Rachel, joined us today. We walked around for about an hour and then we were in the pool for three hours. They close at ten so, I didn't even have time to shower, because it takes me so long to brush my hair out.
Wednesday, I am bringing my little brother and sister to enjoy the pool. It should be fun too. I normally, go to workout in the morning or afternoon, but the night time is cool, because of less people. The times that the pool is open for open swim sucks during the school year, but the summer time it's cool, because it's not that big of a deal to keep kids out late. A couple of women were in the sauna and complaining of the pool times and for once I could say it's not so bad, because the kids can stay up later. I don't really like the idea that my kids are growing up but for this reason it's okay to be in the older Mommy club.
Tomorrow, I am going to sign Tyler up for camp and do some grocery shopping and just chill at home. I love having Will home but I crave the quietness of not having kids around. Tyler is still at that age that he will go out to play. I just love my neighborhood. I love my house. On the 28TH of this month marks our third year here. Owning my own home has been one of my wildest dreams come true. I went to an open house down the road and it did have it's nice things but it made me love my house even more. Well, it's about time to get my pillow, stuff dog, and curl up on the couch with my husband. I love him so much. I don't plan on letting him go away. We are for keeps.

Tad took a really cool picture of me. Normally, I wouldn't feel comfortable with a shot like this, but I am feeling better about myself, because between working out and eating a little better, I have lost 20 lbs! Yea for me!!!

Today, was the official start of summer vacation for Tyler. My plan is to educate him at home with the help of www.abcteach.com and along with some books that the school district sent home. Also, of course the use of computers and the library. I had him do a math test and he didn't score too well, but better than I would have expected. I think some of it is that he doesn't take the time to read the questions. I am excited for this chance to put his education in my hands and screw the schools teaching him. I don't care what they say. If a child doesn't have basic skills they can't go into more difficult math. I know how to read and write but me into school to learn how to do brain surgery and no matter how much help, I get. I am going to fail. Anyone want to let me practice on them?
After, we played the wii for a while, we got ready to go to the Ymca. I love Tyler's age. He is ten now and that is old enough to be dropped off at the Y, but I am not ready for that. However, it's nice that he can swim, play, and use a computer without me being with him at all times. Don't get me wrong. I love to hang with him, but I am trying to keep up my two hours of walking, three times a week at the Y. So, its cool that he can hang out and have fun too. My friend Rachel met me and we walked. I really miss the hot tub and wish I could switch to peak sportscore for the hot tub, but I like having a friend who has a membership too. I don't have to have someone with me to workout but it's nice having her there sometimes.

My clients canceled their service. Saturday, I worked five hours and unless I am called this week I have zero hours. Zero hours and zero pay...... what do you call that? Besides boredom that is... Am I unemployed?

I had a pretty good birthday. Tad made me a cake and handed it to me at 10 am. It seemed odd because who eats cake at ten am. We went through our day. No one ate any cake.
I gave Will some money to go into Kmart and buy me a present. I could tell that he was sad, because he didn't get me anything. So, they bought some more flowers for my yard.
The three of us ended up taking the cake to a cookout at my friend's Rachel's house. We had a lot of fun. There was a big water fight. Rachel put candles on the cake and I got a second birthday wish.
Would you believe that wishing for the same thing twice is the charm? I heard from a very special, beautiful girl on my birthday. Do you wonder who? Well, I am not telling. haha.
So, we ate at Rachel's and had cake and a water fight. My back hurts so bad. I don't know what I did. I am trying to take it easy today and I hope it gets better soon.

The boys and I rented some games for the wii. I picked I think it was called Shrek the third. I am not sure, but I was kicking some ass. I really liked the game. I am going to go re rent it again tomorrow. I thought I would have to start over again but Will said no. That the wii holds all the memory.Wow! That is very cool. Well, I need to lay back down. that is when I don't feel any pain. The rest of my muscles get so tense too. I got to go swimming yesterday but no hot tub still!!! Damn!!! However, I didn't run out of gas and my phone didn't die during the ordeal. haahahahaha

It was a beautiful day for a wonderful event.

Busy Busy Busy

I have been pretty busy lately. Most days I love it. I am not busy as in always having stuff to do. I am busy, because I am choosing to be out and about. Sometimes, I am a home body, but I love to get out and go and see people.
For the first time in a long time, I can actually say that I won't feel bad about my ymca fees coming out of my account. I go three times a week and once in a while even more. Yesterday, I Ann and I walked on the bike path and sat in the grass. We dropped my phone in the grass and didn't see it until we were mostly back to the van. Luckily, it was still under the tree. Next time, Ann will have to be more careful. :)
Saturday, Tad and I went to the flea market looking for a weed wacker and instead, he seen a doll rocking chair. I didn't even ask, he just bought it. So, now I have 2 doll beds, a rocking horse and an high chair. The rocking horse and the high chair could be used for real babies but I am not sharing lol Real babies drool and poop. ewww.
Tonight is my last night of the ten week session of babysitting for Meld. It's been a great experience and as far as I know that I am on for another ten weeks after a two week session.